03 November 2008

Wrong Number

We switched to IP phones at work. This was a while back and ever since, I've been getting misdirected phone calls. Basically when someone dials a local number on the other side of the state, it gets redirected to our system here. Verizon insists that this isn't something that are responsible for, but that's their M.O. and another blog entry entirely.

The calls are the entertaining things. Voice messages are routed to my inbox so I can save all the really entertaining ones:

Message: "I was wondering when and where you want me to drop off this hot tub"

Well holy crap. A free hot tub? I wonder if I can get that guy to drive it 3 hours to my house? I'm not sure if I have the room for a hot tub though, so I may just have to resell it. I wonder what shipping would be on eBay?

Message: "Yeah, we're ready to have that grave dug. Give us a call when you would like to do it."

I wonder what the going rate is for grave digging? I can do that. The guy that was supposed to do it will never notice. It'll be sort of like it was subcontracted out. I'm thinking my shovel isn't going to cut it though and I don't have a backhoe handy, so I'll have to pass on that one too. I sure hope they call back and get the right number. That could potentially be an awkward situation.

Message: "You can come pick up the oxygen bottle."

What? I wonder what the market value is on an oxygen bottle? It's related to the medical industry, so I should be able to charge roughly 200,000% of its production price. This one may be worth looking into.

Message: "We're ready for a new oxygen bottle."

Okay, this one scares me. We're not provided with the caller ID's on numbers that are misdirected. Eventually I picked up the phone and caught this person to let them know that they should keep trying until they get the right number.

Message: "Kurt, the blade needs to be sharpened on line 8.

Sucks to be line 8 then, doesn't it?

Message: "You better get that money to me today or I'm coming over there."

Look lady, I don't have your money. If you can find me however, I will give you five dollars for your awe-inspiring stalker skills.

Message: "Kurt, the roller on line 8 is loose. We're worried that it's going to come off and hurt someone."

What the hell is up with line 8? Kurt better get his ass down there and straighten that out.

The really funny thing is that I eventually got hold of Kurt's number after a caller left it in a message. Calls for Kurt are my number one source of misdirected calls. When it's serious now on line 8, I usually call him and let him know. He's a nice guy.

P.S. If anyone wants to work with me on the grave digging, let me know. I know a guy. Well, not really, but he doesn't know that I don't know him.

38 comments:

Cameron said...

Verizon is my favorite company in the whole wide world. They rank right up there with Comcast.

Now, my techno geek side kicks in and must say, sounds like Verizon is not the prob. You said it started happening when your phone system was changed....it's a problem with the phone system. Tell your telco nerds that they need to adjust the system to accomodate the Verizon trunk. And then call them geeks and mock them!!!

Cameron said...

And...FIRST. And...SECOND.

Diane said...

I'm emailing you my address for that whole hot tub thing. I've got room.

Jamie said...

Grave digging, no thanks
but I will for sure take the hot tub. Have it sent to me here in Chicago and don't worry I have plenty of room.

Khadra said...

I wonder what the market value is on an oxygen bottle? It's related to the medical industry, so I should be able to charge roughly 200,000% of it's production price.

HA! Love it.
And it's kinda sad too since it is true.

Stephanie said...

Ah, Verizon. My dearest love.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Yeah, I will MAKE room for the hot tub man--send it on over!

How nice of you to call Kurt and let him know about line 8. You are actually NICE to people? Wow...I was terribly misguided about you. Oh well, I guess I still like you...sort of.

Sprite's Keeper said...

What would REALLY scare me is if Kurt was used to these types of calls.

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

I'm switching to verizon today!!!!...nothing that interesting happens to me at work. Lawd I would of dug up that number for the hot tub, not the grave digging thing though. I love that Kurt is a cool dude about the whole situation.

Wayne John said...

I really, REALLY suck at shoveling, so I'd be more at home holding the flashlight while we dig graves.

They do that at night right?

Cat said...

That is awesome. I had my number crossed one time and all I got were collection calls.

JaxPop said...

Had someone's irate wife or girlfriend who kept calling one night convinced I was someone named 'Harold' & was cheating on her. Tried to explain several times that she had the wrong number - but she wouldn't buy it. My wife finally got on the phone & told her "Harold's not coming back to you - he's all mine now" & the calls stopped. Wonder how old Harold is doing these days. Maybe he works on Line 8.

Paige said...

I have been through this long term with the Surgical Associates number. The things I now know about some physical maladies up in here are really distrubing.

They finally changed my number. Now no one calls. It is swell

DeeMarie said...

I think you might want to call back on that hot tub. You've got a lot of takers (myself included!!)
And hopefully you hooked those oxygen tank people up. Tell Kurt I said hi.

DeeMarie said...

Oh. And I'm still waiting for my money.......... I'm on my way.

Khadra said...

When we were living in Canada last our number was one digit off from the McDonalds down the street. Teens used to call me for their schedules.

Heinous said...

Cameron: but it's always Verizon's fault...

Diane: Careful...never make a stalker's job too easy ;)

Jamie: Hmmm...lotsa requests for that one. Go figure.

Khadra: Painfully true.

Stephanie: and calls to tech support are priceless.

Petra: Sorry about that. I'll be extra snarky to you to make up for it.

Jen: He gets enough of them, trust me.

Carrie: Don't worry, I'm sure it will go flawlessly.

Wayne: That would be the only fun way. While singing 'puttin on the ritz' of course.

Cat: That must have been fun. At least they showed up at the right address.

Jaxpop: Harold is probably why the blade on line 8 was dull.

Paige: At least you don't have to google them now.

DeeMarie: I'd better hit the MAC machine then.

Khadra: Lol...I would have totally made one up for them.

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

so did your new bud Kurt give ya the skinny on what line 8 produces? Least ya get interesting misdirected calls, I'm stuck with AT&T, in a dead zone without DSL----so whats it like out there in the real world?

Gary (old dude)
http://threescoreplusten.blogspot.com/

Casey said...

That must make the day interesting. You're a nicer person than me, I would spend my time misdirecting people and having the wrong graves dug. Who am I kidding, no I wouldn't. I'd do everything in my power to try to route the calls to the right people since I'm too nice like that. Sounds like you are too.... wuss. I mean that in a nice way.

The Stiletto Mom said...

I'm LMAO about the calls for Kurt regarding line 8. Also, I'm fairly sure the lady who said you had to give her the money or she would come find you is Steenky. I'd do what she says if I were you.

steenky bee said...

Twenty-one? This is unheard of? How did I slip so far down to 21? I'm not even sure that I'm the first in my time zone. I'm just sad. Maybe these people are prank calling you? It happens. People are arrested for that stuff. Don't believe me? Check out the Steenky Bee tomorrow.....

HeatherPride said...

That is hysterical! Every time my grandma gets a call like that she imagines someone is spying on her. She even showers in the dark sometimes to hide from all the "cameras". Crazy people, whatcha gonna do?

Kat said...

When my grandfather was stationed in Panama his phone number was one off from the MP's phone number. He said that every Friday night he would get a call from some drunk soldier asking for a ride home. He would tell them that he would be right there and then go back to sleep.

Jori-O said...

Hmmm...you just reminded me of my own Verizon woes...

And what does Kurt do anyway? Since you're buddies with him now and all.

Lola said...

Well, Cameron beat me to the Comcast sucks way worse than Verizon comment, so I'll just say that at least it's great blog material!

Vodka Mom said...

yeah- I know people who know people, who know people. right.

Those messages were great, but your responses were greater!! (or greatest, I'm too damn tired to decide. I was in Hell at an inservice all day.......)

Heinous said...

Gary: Nope, I'm still wondering. I just know it seems to be rough on machinery. The real world is pretty zippy ;)

Casey: I let them go to voice mail and deal with them after that ;)

Mary Anne: Damn, I should have thought about that. Is it too late to move?

Jen: All that exercise must be wearing you out.

Heather: Wow, at least you have something to do on a slow night. "Let's go call grandma!"

Kat: Now that would have been fun.

Jori-O: Kurt fixes stuff at that plant. He does inspections too.

Lola: I used to have some old posts about Verizon tech support...that may have been my other blog.

Deb: Inservice? I wish we had those. You guys have all the fun.

Captain Dumbass said...

Our phone number is very close to a Chinese shopping mall in our city. We get calls all the time asking for mall hours in Cantonese. At least I'm assuming they're asking about mall hours, why else would you call a mall?

goodfather said...

Ha ha, excellent story. And yes, comcast is the debel. And verizon.

AngieSS said...

Hahaha

How fun this must be. You could really cause some chaos. And sorry, I can't help you with the grave -- cemeteries creep me out. ;)

Oh, and I loved your tag:
"Verizon blows goats" hehehe

amusing moments said...

Kurt better get his sh*t together! someone is going to get hurt...maybe you should refer the other lady to him. She sounds like she could kick some ass!

When I was in college, we had this as a phone number.. 1-234-5678 I am NOT kidding! (this was before Mississippi had more than one area code) I cannot tell you how many kids play with the phone...and how many parents are surprised when their child hands them the phone and are told, "please keep your child from playing on the phone!" hahaha

Red Cup Mom said...

What is a line 8? Is this a hospital? What does Kurt do for a living! I bet Kurt gives out your number on purpose. Be sure you get alerted if Kurt gets sued so you can testify for a fee. I am curious!

Grave digger. Hm. That guy James on Survivor last season was a grave digger and had the-most-awesome-awesomest-body!!!!

for a different kind of girl said...

If you're employed as a grave digger, aren't you pretty clear when a job needs done? I mean, not you, specifically, since you're not a grave digger, but in general...

Nap Warden said...

Grave digging!?! Doh!

Sammanthia said...

The next time you should play along... whatever it is they want, just say "Okay". If it's a hot tub, tell them where to drop it off, if it's someone wanting money tell them to meet you on the corner of 8th and Maple (every town has 8th and Maple). I think that would be funny.

blissfullycaffeinated said...

As someone who once a bought a hot tub while drunk at the state fair, I can tell you, they're not all they're cracked up to be.

Actually, that's a total lie. they are fun, especially when they have a TV, DVD, drink tray and stereo installed, like ours did. But they are a pain in the ass to move when you sell your house.

That's when I could have used some assistance from Kurt. But that bastard was no where to be found.

Tell him "Hi" for me though, OK?

Momma Trish said...

Just found you through Steenky Bee. These are awesome messages. We used to get a lot of calls telling us that our new car was ready to be picked up. But we've never gotten anything so cool as a gravedigger job offer. Fabulous!

Heinous said...

Momma Trish: Thank you so much for coming by. I'll let you know the next time I get one if you want me to pass it your way ;)