The Boy has this Fisher Price nativity set. It's cute and he can do the whole crèche thing without mucking up the good set. We were watching TV last night and I looked over and had to say, "Dude, get the BVM's (that's Blessed Virgin Mary to the uninitiated) head out of your mouth." I figured
we'd keep those germs where they belong a little respect was due and just yuck...I have to touch those things.
He promptly tossed her across the room.
The Wife said, "Now why did you go and throw the B...um...Mary across the room?" (Points for me for almost getting The Wife to say 'BVM.')
The Boy dutifully walked over and retrieved it. Now the Fisher Price figurines have a sort of indentation in the bottom so you can place them on Fisher Price People Posts so they don't fall out of FP vehicles and crap while you're playing with them. You can also do this with cherubs:
He's an angel; he can take it. He even seems to mildly enjoy it...
Anyway, I look over and he's got the BVM up to his mouth again. Here's where you should all be proud of me:
What I wanted to say: "Get your tongue out of Mary's hole."
What I said: "Yeesh, can you just put that down somewhere?"
That just cant be right. He's too young for confession, but I think he owes one for that. If I were pope, I could look it up in the Vatican Database of Crap You Need to Confess for, but I have to wait until I get elected pope before I can access that.
Technically she would still be a virgin though, right?
I was talking to my dad on the phone the other day and we were wondering where all the parents were to guide their kids when they went and signed loans for a 300k house on a 50k a year salary.
Ole Man Heinous: "They were probably too damn scared they would alienate their kids."
Me: "I thought that was our job."
We laughed our asses off. Father of the year, that's me.
My son was out playing with his friends in the snow the other day. He came in the house to warm up.
Me: "Dude, where are your snow pants?" (He had jeans on underneath thanks to all the forces that keep me sane)
The Boy: "I don't know."
Me: "How can you not know? You had to take them off...correct? And they're pants...they don't blow off like a hat, right?"
The Boy: "Oh, that's right"
Zip, he was out the door. I don't even try to understand anymore.
A little captcha love:
This would have been a completely different movie. I'm thinking Stallone's career wouldn't have survived.
If you get the stomach flu and record yourself, I bet you'll hear yourself making this sound at some point.
That's it! Go enjoy your Sunday people.