24 November 2008

Safe Harbor

Did you ever have one of those weeks?

I feel like I'm the captain of a ship that's been adrift, locked in a dead calm with safe harbor in sight yet maddeningly out of reach. The cool, sea breezes that once carried my ship have left like a lover after discovering betrayal.

I can hear the grumblings of the crew. I can still silence them with a glare or a barked, "I am Captain of this vessel, dammit, and you will do as I say," but I find myself quelling them more and more often as I see the signs of discontent fester. The flag of the ship huddles against the mast; a bellwether of the ship's morale.

This vessel which I have captained so well for so long languishes in the still waters. The reserves dwindle. The monotony of the sound of the water against the hull drives the isolation home with a dull, "slap. slap. slap." The sun bears down with a physical weight and pushes the captain, myself, closer to the brink.

Resolve comes uneasily from some unplumbed depth. Whether released by some kind fortune or pulled by sheer force of will, it does not matter. It rises unsteadily at first, like an air bubble buffeted by currents in the water. Finally, it sparkles in the light from the surface above and crests.

Something has to be done. If I must swim though these waters with a rope in my teeth pulling this ship to safety then I will do it. I will pull. Every. Fucking. Inch.

I will brave the sharks. I will defy the weather. I will persevere.

It doesn't matter how I sailed here. My charge will be delivered safely.

Now to slip into the waters and make my own safe passage.

51 comments:

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

FIRST!!!!

Khadra said...

CRAP! I thought I was gonna be first!

Khadra said...

Oh, and most weeks are one of THOSE weeks here.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

OK, now I can comment.

First of all, beautiful prose. Thank you for sharing this side of your writing.

And I can completely relate to feeling like this. But something that makes the journey that much easier is having wonderful friends like you.

So thanks for that too :)

Kat said...

Sometimes I feel like my whole life is one of those weeks and then something spectacular happens. I am wishing you something spectacular!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Just keep swimming!

gathering dust said...

too many weeks feel like that - although i don't think i usually put it quite so eloquently.

hang in there, friend. it'll pass.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Wow. You have some serious range. Great writing and I hope this is just an exercise and not how you really feel. If it is how you feel, onward...eventually it is all behind us!

jori-o said...

The English teacher in me just gave you an A+. Ideas, voice, word coice, organization--the whole package. Excellent!

And if you really are "stuck" right now, best of luck, man. This, too, shall pass! ;)

jori-o said...

word CHOICE

Diane said...

That was really beautiful (even the 'Every. Fucking. Inch.' part... ;).

Here's to safe passge... and good friends cheering you on... xo

justsomethoughts... said...

most of us just say "i had/am having a shitty month/week/day" or something even less eloquent. then you go and write something like that.... just goes to show. we're all sitting on the fastball, then you go and throw the change and we're way out in front. ok. you might not be a baseball fan...

Heinous said...

Petra: That's high praise indeed, thank you. Whenever you need someone to pull along side your ship, let me know.

Khadra: It'll get better soon :)

Kat: It's gotta ease up sometime and thanks.

Jen: at least it's exercise.

g.d: I usually don't either ;)

Mary Anne: Thanks, it's a bit better this week.

jori-o: Thank you. It may be almost past now.

Diane: Thanks, hon.

jst: I get baseball analogies. Thanks :)

Sammanthia said...

Will you pull me to shore, too? I can't swim... I'm screwed.

Heinous said...

Sammanthia: Always happy to help out :)

goodfather said...

Hey, make a loop in the end of the rope for your shoulders, like a harness. Pulling by your teeth will cause your head to submerge and you'll get water right down your throat with every little wave.

Uh, crap, I seem to know a lot about this somehow...

steenky bee said...

This was beautiful. I hope whatever is making your week or month difficult gets better. Just keep your head above it all and be strong. This is too deep, I can't be snarky to you.

Kirsten said...

Very well written. I would love to have your talent.
I hope whatever is troubling you dies a painful, slow death!

JaxPop said...

It sucks when you lose your leg to a big white whale. Hope everything works out ASAP. Oh - careful with the rope between the teeth - not a great idea.

Anonymous said...

I don't care how you got there either, as long as you continue your journey AND continue to share it! I am head over heels into it with your "voice"--you've got style, dude, lot's of style.

NeoCleo

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

wow I think everyone is having 'one of those weeks' WTH is going on... let me say my past week has been horrible, I just pray for a better one this week, and so far monday ain't half bad.....

Lola said...

Been treading water a bit the last week, too. Just keep taking deep breaths between strokes.

Umm, yes, I know that could be misconstrued as some other kind of advice, but I think it's sage advice nonetheless.

Blarney said...

My ship is more like a row boat in huricane force winds and no oars to be found. Everyone is screaming behind me and I turn around to tell them "shut up before I jump so help me!"

Cat said...

Very beautiful (if a bit depressing) post! I love the imagery! I hate to take so much delight in your troubles, but you keep giving us these gems :)

Lawyer Mom said...

Umm, well, all I can say is the next time I'm having a bad week, I'll just link to this post. Untoppable.

HeatherPride said...

You and sharks go deep, my friend.

Debbie said...

You betcha. Have them all the darn time.

Casey said...

I'm pretty sure everyone participating in NappyBlowMe is having a similar time. Does it help to know you're not alone? I hope you cheer up soon. Your writing is booty-ful as ever.

Heinous said...

goodfather: At least we have company.

Jen: Thanks and you can always be snarky to me ;)

Kirsten: It's clearing already, thanks.

Jaxpop: I've got dental.

NeoCleo: Thanks for coming by and I'm glad you like it.

Carrie: It always passes.

Lola: Either way you take it, it's good ;)

Blarney: They'll just pull you back in anyway.

Cat: Will do, thanks.

LM: Many thanks :)

Heather: Time for the surface though for now.

Debbie: We can cheer each other on.

Casey: Company is always welcome (for encouragement, of course). Thanks.

Braja said...

Yep, you're nuts.

April said...

my vessel is sinking. glad yours made it :-) nice writing btw!

Heinous said...

Braja: I always take that the good way ;)

April: I'll come over and bail and thank you.

Deb said...

I had to make sure I was at the blog I thought I was at when I read this. I kept waiting for pirates, guns, pillaging and wenches.

I think a lot of us are in the same boat. I know mine is sinking fast but I'm a good swimmer and I don't give up, I get PO'd, so I'm digging out the Pirate Pants and loading up the BB gun. I will send you the extra eye patch and peg leg. Keep your chins up if the water gets higher.

Carmi said...

I like your sense of pluck. When the going gets tough, we have two choices - give in, or fight. Your choice rocks, and it's the best channel to a purposeful life.

Mel said...

Wut??? I'm blaming my denseness on my own lousy week where the captain has bailed, there's a gigantic hole in the hull, there are no lifeboats, and I don't know how to swim. But, I hope this week is better for you!!??

Tony said...

Dude, I've learned that even when you think it won't - things always work out in the end. Keep swimming man, just keep on swimming...

Captain Dumbass said...

Your Holiness, take a few days off. We'll all be here when you get back.

Kelley said...

Dude, I am afraid of the open sea.

So you will have to bring my ship in too, K?

Kinda ironic that I am descended from Pirates eh?

Vodka Mom said...

That was incredible. Yes. We do go on. We know that we have no. other. choice.

bravo, Jim.

Sass said...

You are an amazing writer.

And you've received an excessively high compliment...which would be, my mom now reads your blog and finds you an amazingly good writer.

Just so ya know...;)

Anndi said...

If you need help, you can always call The Hoff. He's always good for a laugh ;).

Smooth waters... sending good thoughts.

CK Lunchbox said...

That's leadership and determination people will follow... great post.

Heinous said...

Deb: Oooh, I could use an eye patch.

Carmi: You will get no argument from me. It's the only way.

Mel: It is already.

Tony: Good advice that makes it easier to keep swimming.

Cap'n: Thanks, man. I'll whip up something here...

Kelley: For you, babe, I'll gladly bring your ship in too.

Deb: Thank you :)

Sass: Many thanks (to your mother as well.) I appreciate it.

Anndi: As long as he's off the sauce... Thanks for the good thoughts.

Tracey said...

Dude... I have to backtrack and see what the problem is! Hope the waters become smoother and your crew begins to help you with rowing...

Bee said...

We seem to be on the same boat.

But please don't throw me overboard, the water might be to cold for my delicate skin.

Heinous said...

Tracey: They're calming as we speak.

Bee: Nope, I do the pulling, you keep it on course.

Krystal said...

Wow! You wrote what I have been feeling. It seems that my ship is pulling further away from shore even though the winds seem to be shifting towards the shore. I just might have to take over and get to the oars and make it happen! I know you will get to the shore soon and those difficult waters will calm soon if they have not already.

Pink Ink said...

Interesting metaphor. You'll make it :-).

Jamie said...

I am days behind in reading this
but I have to say
WOW
WOW

I really enjoyed this.

Thank you!

Heinous said...

Krystal: I hope you're getting closer to the shore now. I'll pull for you too.

Jewel: I did make it...thank you.

Jamie: I'm glad you liked it :)

disa said...

A片,色情網站,情色,色情,情色視訊,成人網站,UT聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080視訊聊天室,免費視訊聊天,哈啦聊天室,視訊聊天,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,6K聊天室,視訊聊天室,成人聊天室,中部人聊天室,免費視訊,視訊交友,視訊美女,視訊做愛,正妹牆,美女交友,AV女優,SEX,做愛,AIO交友愛情館,AIO,聊天室,聊天室,聊天室,聊天室,愛情公寓,情色小說,情色貼圖,情色文學,色情小說,情色論壇,寄情築園小遊戲,情色交友,色情影片,微風成人,85cc成人片,嘟嘟成人網,18成人,成人圖片區,成人影片,成人貼圖,成人圖片,成人小說,成人影城,A片,AV,a漫,免費A片,A片下載,自拍,聊天室,麗的色遊戲,台灣情色網,成人論壇,伊莉論壇,微風論壇,AV女優