17 November 2008

The Meds

It sat in the bottom of the cup: a pink, pearlescent puddle. It looked innocuous enough but I knew better. Meds. For The Boy.

Crap.

I dipped a finger in and tasted it; I always want to know what the reaction was going to be from him. Hmmm...cherry flavored. Not ba...SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY (AND LESS THAN HOLY TOO SINCE I DON'T LIKE TO BE ALL EXCLUSIONARY LIKE THAT.)

Where did that aftertaste come from? I was tempted to go eat some grass in the back yard to get rid of the flavor.

The Wife walked into the kitchen. "What's with 'the face'."

I pointed to the offending, tiny, pool of doom that lurked in the bottom of the rocks glass. She walked over and dipped a finger in. I thought briefly about warning her but the thought, "why should I be alone in this?"

"That's not ba...oh. my. god. That is horrible. Why didn't you get it flavored?"

"I did. I just didn't realize that when I asked for cherry flavor it came with a chaser of putrefied skunk rectum."

The Boy walked in. We stopped staring at the pink cesspool. He knew what was up when he saw the rocks glass though. "I don't want any medicine."

Zoom! Gone. Out of the room.

It was time for the pleading to begin.

I chilled it in the fridge while we offered all sorts of helpful hints on how a popsicle would numb his taste buds and how it'll make him feel better (it was only a minor sinus thing, thanks for caring) and how the doctor said he should take it and how if he didn't take it, God would come down from heaven, destroy his bodily form utterly and completely, and cast his soul adrift in the winds of Limbo until such time as he decided to take the damn medicine and then and only then would he be made corporeal again (okay, I only thought that last one, but I still think it would have worked.)

None of it worked. He's always been stubborn like that. Finally, I had to pull a daddy trick. I got his nemesis, the dosing syringe. I silently held it up and he had flashbacks to the times I held him tight and forced medicine down his throat with it. They're not pretty memories for either of us, but, in the end, you have to go with what works.

He crumbled. He took the medicine with an iced tea chaser. We did the appropriate praising and wrote a few extra verses to the Hallelujah Chorus in honor of his achievement...because that's what little boys require.

The rest of the doses since have gone off without a hitch. Someday we're hoping to achieve drama-free nirvana. Until then though, I've got the dosing syringe on standby.

 

55 comments:

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

FIRST! OK, be back to comment...

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

We have the opposite problem in our house. My kids LOVE the taste of medicine, whether it is kid's tylenol or the pink ammoxicillin bubblegum of death flavor. I can't figure it out but they are always begging for it.

Yes, I was weird children. But I am weird, so why should we be surprised?

At least we're all EXTREMELY good looking. There's always that...

Cameron said...

My daughter = total medicine fiend...she wants a fix all the time. Huffing Vicks, shooting Motrin, she can't get enough. Course, so far, it all tastes like bubble gum.

Paige said...

why is it that some kids are anti-medicine without ever having taken it?

DeeMarie said...

My nephew has this whole routine. He has to take a drink of water first, then he counts, then he stops counting to ask a question, then the threats begin, then he needs another pre-chaser, then the syringe comes out and the Wii and DS are taken away, and then he takes it, shakes his head for 2 seconds, and he's good again.

Khadra said...

My kids all love medicine. Even the horrible tasting stuff. Glad you got him to give in!

Momma Trish said...

J has two medicines he has to take. One is yummy. One is yucky. He always tries to negotiate what he will take, never quite understanding that he has no vote. And he also negotiates which parent will give him the daily dose. At least on that one, we are willing to bend. :)

creative kerfuffle said...

don't the drug companies taste that stuff? i mean srsly? think what a killing they'd make if they actually made kids' meds either tasteless or tasty (for real, not w/ the chaser of putrified skunk rectum (which is stinking hilarious btw!).
we've also dealt w/ the syringe of doom and thankfully as they've gotten older we don't have to go that route any more.

Sprite's Keeper said...

I wouldn't have required the dosing syringe. I would have taken it as soon as the damnation talk started.

Krystal said...

We use the dosing syringe technique here too and unfortunately sometimes we actually have to papoose!!! It is so much easier when it is in pill format and you can hide it in pudding or appleasauce!!

Mel said...

Oh you have no idea what you've done to me today! My cousin is a conductor and he conducts Handel's Messiah each year at Christmas. I'm totally thinking of new verses for the Hallelujah chorus for him to incorporate into this year's performance involving bad tasting medicine being fed to little boys.

Diane said...

My daughter always reminds me of the time I berated her for the (ridiculous) drama which ensued after she took her first chewable cold tablet. To prove to her it simply couldn't be as bad as she was making it out to be, I popped one in, chewed, and promptly gagged and very nearly threw up on the kitchen floor. I still maintain it was the only time the drama was warranted (and yes, I threw the $7.00 box away).

Cat said...

FIRST! God I'm fast!

Anyways, be thankful for this remaining time you have with liquid drugs. I am STILL traumatized by the pill-swallowing lessons of my childhood.

Heinous said...

Petra: weird is good, especially if it helps with the meds. Good looking is always beneficial too ;)

Cameron: I hope it stays that way for you.

Paige: It's a form of revenge, I know it is.

DeeMarie: He's establishing a nice OCD routine maybe?

Khadra: It helps that I'm bigger.

Trish: You're picking the right battle ;)

CK: If an exec had to try it, you know there would be some changes.

Jen: See? I knew I should have gone to that first.

Krystal: I may have to start suggesting pills. The Boy has an appetite that won't quit. He'd never notice a secret pill.

Mel: The faces in the audience would be priceless when they hear it.

Diane: C'mon, mom. Tough it out ;)

Heinous said...

Cat: Can't I just use a blowgun once we get to that phase?

tony said...

Dude, you’re just too funny. I love the posts that deal with your son because they remind of the things my nephew does. I’m thinking I may just go out and have a kid myself so I have more blogging material.

goodfather said...

Ahhh, the dosing syringe. I'm sighing and cringing at the same time. Our worst parenting (and by parenting, I mean dosing) moment was with the three-year-old when she was a baby, on a flight to Germany, in the tiny alley between the restroom and the bulkhead. It was like fun, only the opposite.

Casey said...

Why do they make meds taste like such ass? We use applesauce around here, we've renamed it Motrinsauce. It works every time.

blissfullycaffeinated said...

Oh lordy, I'm laughing my freaking ass off over here. The little cup full of doom, so very very accurate. You know the poor kid is gonna burp up that aftertaste for hours.

I have to get all medicine in pill form for the 4-year-old and then put it down her throat like you do for dogs. It's the only way we can get meds in her.

Anndi said...

Since my daughter has developed an aversion to the kissies, I have a weapon to hold against her.

Sweet baby Jeebus, getting dogs to take medecine is easier than a kid. Just coat it in peanut butter and voilà!

If you really want to know what putrified skunk rectum tastes like... try Buckleys cough syrup. If you could taste the anti-christ, it would taste like Buckleys. For reals.

Michele said...

This post brought back those painful mommy vs child vs medicine flashbacks. Thank you very much!

I did laugh my ass off. Misery must really love company.

Stephanie said...

Dreadful. I usually have to excuse myself during medicine time. If I can't sneak it into Josh's juice (he's way to clever for that) my husband has to outflank him in like a submarine move and pin him to the ground until most of it is forced down his throat. It's not really something I can be a part of. Call me a softie.

HeatherPride said...

Oh, man!!!! That happened to me too, the last time I got my kid's medicine flavored! I mean, that stuff tasted like straight-up butt with an earwax chaser!! Save the $3 next time, huh??

Sass said...

I never think to get my kids' medicine flavored. I don't know why...I just don't.

My son takes blood pressure medicine everyday, and I tasted a smidge and thought I'd swallowed liquid death. Luckily, he doesn't mind it. Calls it Superman medicine.

Whatever gets him through the day, I suppose. ;)

Heinous said...

Tony: As long as it's for a good reason ;)

goodfather: ouch...my heart goes out to you on that one.

Casey: I should try that.

Jen: It's much harder to get his mouth open though.

Anndi: I stick with the codeine stuff I still have from the doc. Now that's cough medicine.

Michele: Laughter...it's how we survive this stuff.

Stephanie: Oh sure, then you rush in to save the day.

Heather: Yeah, I can get him a little toy as a reward then.

Heinous said...

sass: That's awesome, as long as you can keep that illusion alive.

April said...

oh, i never know how the medicine will go around here. sometimes he's all for it and other times it's an hour long thrashing scream fest. uhg. so glad the remainder of your doses have been calm :-)

Vodka Mom said...

WOw. I'm glad those days are over. THey were tough, until we found flavors the kids liked. Unfortunately, they all liked DIFFERENT flavors. Our medicine cabinet was like the Giant Pharmacy Aisle.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

There are *so* many things I love about this blog, but the blogger giving his kid wretched medicine in a rocks glass is definitely one of the best.

A rocks glass.

Ellie

steenky bee said...

Oddly enough both of my kiddies enjoy taking medication. My oldest even fakes tummy aches in the hopes that he can go see the doctor. He loves that man. You think their meds are bad, you ought to taste some of the food that comes on kids' menus. Double yuck.

Kristy said...

LOL! That was absolutely hilarious! I hate cherry flavor!

carrie said...

And you will, from here on out, be known as "The Medicine Whisperer." Congrats on the raging med success, I know how hard that can be!

Bee said...

"cherry flavor it came with a chaser of putrefied skunk rectum." OMG! I read that to my hubs while we were at the laundromat and we were laughing our butts off!

Again, I don't have kids but my dogs can smell the pills when I try to sneak them in their treats. I have to slather them in peanut-butter because lets face it, they might as well amuse since I just spent $300 keeping them healthy.

for a different kind of girl said...

Gah...the dosing syringe. I'm not kidding you one bit when I tell you I think I have post traumatic stress disorder as a result of that damn syringe.

mrsmouthy said...

Next time just ask for the butt pill version and your child will never have a problem with the cherry syrup again!

P.S. I got the same lousy badge you did this weekend. Do you think it makes me look fat though?

Tara said...

My daughter is also a medicine junkie.
"I'm feeling a little off colour and need medicine" she tells me with her head cocked onto her shoulder and a little whine in her voice for effect.
She's only 3 for heaven's sake!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I've got M&Ms on standby just for such occasions.

The Stiletto Mom said...

This is going to sound disgusting...but...we used to mix it with Hershey's Chocolate Syrup and call it Chocolate Soup. I think it probably still tasted like the skunk rectum (gag) you referenced about but it kept a few fights from breaking out. :)

Mama Dawg said...

Yeah, threats...I mean bribes, always worked with my kid.

Heinous said...

April: It's the random that makes life really fun, isn't it?

Deb: I'm thinking of making all the boy's 'fear' flavored from here on out.

Ellie: Well, medicine is medicine, isn't it?

Jen: They learn this behavior somewhere...hmmmm. I'm thinking mom has had a hand in this. I have seen Henner's dancing face...

Kristy: Totally going grape next time.

Bee: I don't even try sneaking with the dog anymore. Open mouth, plant find in the middle of tongue, shove pill to back of mouth.

fadkog: you and my son.

mrsmouthy: I think the syringe might work for that.

Tara: She's only starting too. She'll get more wily as she gets older.

Meg: Good thinking. Except I'm not sure how they will remain on standby in my house...

Mary Anne: Even one less fight would be worth it.

MD: Whatever gets the job done on that day.

Jane! said...

In 15 years remind him how he hated icky tasting stuff in little cups when he and his buddies are slamming shots of tequila... WITHOUT the dosing syringe.

Captain Dumbass said...

Putrefied skunk rectum. That is beautiful. We have a cold medicine up here called Buckley's that could be described the same way except they don't bother with the flavours. Imagine a pond full of pine needles and some rotting corpses. My parents used to force me to take it. When my crime wave finally collapses under the weight of its own evil I will blame them for every... Oops! Where did THAT come from? Heh heh. Gotta go.

Kim Woodbridge said...

"putrified skunk rectum" hahaha

I've never had this problem. My kid tries to coerce me into giving her medicine. Guess she takes after my younger self ;-)

Laufa said...

I'm going through the same battle with my 5 yr old and his "cherry" medicine, Dr. prescribed nastiness. It better work!!!

CK Lunchbox said...

oh hell, i hate it when the kids get ear infections and anything requiring meds - it's like running down a wild animal on the African planes and then tagging them. Luckily bubble gum flavor seems to be not to bad...

JaxPop said...

Nuttin' to contribute here. Didn't do diapers, feeding, medicines, snotty noses, baths, jammies, puke & all that crap. Geez, don't feel like I missed out on much...

I did remove stitches a coupla times. That was kinda cool.... for me anyway.

Sherendipity said...

Ah, the dosing syringe. I remember it (not so) fondly.

HappyHourSue said...

I'm even worse than my kids. i had to take Nyquil the other night and I'm all *swig* AAAACCCCKKK!!!! BLAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Debbie said...

You are wickedly funny. I really like the wicked part. My youngest had to take liquid meds daily for a year. Thank God for that flavoring. And for bribery. Especially bribery.

Heinous said...

Jane!: LOL...maybe we can start a trend in bars. Take your medicine night.

Cap'n: Just watch out for the Mounties. If you need a place to lay low, my attic's open.

Kim: That's a good thing, right?

Laufa: It'll work....and you'll get a workout too.

Ron: Too bad we can't use a tranq gun.

Jaxpop: The fun part is putting them in. Ahh...the good old hockey days.

dipity: We should keep them around for personal motivation.

Sue: I love Nyquil. It tastes like "feeling better" to me.

Debbie: Thank you for coming by. How would we survive without the bribe?

Dory said...

Oh, good God, not the dosing syringe!
*shudders as PTSD takes over*
Dory

Lola said...

There's one very strong antibiotic that my son had twice for double ear infections that is so incredibly rank that we had to pin him down three times a day.

Then I figured out if I give him a lollipop immediately after he drank it that he would go for it. From then on, he would have his pop in one hand and a cup of water in the other as I shot the syringe into his mouth.

That's actually nothing compared to trying to get the "ribbon" of eye medicine in his eyes for pink eye. You haven't lived until you have to do that three times a day.

Blarney said...

Let your son know that when he's an adult he'll be begging the doc for meds. There - sums up my day today. Beg for meds = get nothing and 'suffer through it' look. Wait ~ I did get the netti pot lecture and some nasal spray. Thanks A LOT! I'm off to the sofa to continue the pitty party with my friend Kleenex.

Heinous said...

Dory: Sorry about that. Quick, smelling salts.

Lola: That would be exhausting. Hopefully neither of us will ever have to deal with it again.

Blarney: Say, "Hi," to Kleenex for me. Careful that he doesn't get out of hand when he parties.

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