01 December 2008

'Tis the Season

Ah, consumerism. It's amazing how fast it sinks its teeth into even our children. Sure, I realize that all the toy commercials are out in force right now, but it really sank in the other day when The Boy said, "Wait, go back," when we were flipping through the channels. I went back to the last channel and was about to go further when he said, "that's it!"

There it was, the object of his desire...the ne plus ultra of Christmas giftiness...the Perfect Pancake Puff Pan. Complete with flipping sticks!

perfectpuff

I stared at him. For a while. "That's what you want?"

He nodded his head vigorously.

I briefly wondered where this mild case of freakiness had come from, but it was obviously from the marketing fairy (who, I'm sure, looks like Ron Popeil with lacy wings -- that repel dirt!)

The commercial wore on. I think it was the extended re-mix. He kept pointing at the various iterations of pancake puffs that could be created with the modern marvel and, knowing his mother's penchant for crab, said, "Look, you can make crab puffs too!" at the appropriate time. Somewhere Billy Mays shed a tear over his unknown protege.

After the commercial he looked at us expectantly. I stopped cringing inside and pulled the old, "We'll see buddy."

He persisted. "We should get it at Lowe's."

Sigh. "Why Lowe's?"

"Because they're the best."

"Why is that?"

"They say so on TV."

"Of course. Silly me. I'll tell you what, we'll look at Lowe's next time we're there." All I can say is that I'm betting that Lowe's will not carry the Perfect Pancake Puff Pan. (Complete with flipping sticks! Did I mention the pastry brush and sugar shaker?)  That should get me off the hook.

Of course, it will never happen even if Lowe's is "the best" and does miraculously carry the damn thing. Mainly because I don't do novelty dishes on command. I'm just not down with that; I have my pride. It would also either A) take up valuable storage space or B) The Wife would end up taking it away from me after I ended up cutting all the puffs in half and insisted on making armies of 'boob cakes' with gumdrop nipples.

On the plus side of all these commercials and rampant consumerism, I feel relatively safe that The Boy will be fiscally responsible. He has good parents and more importantly, he knows all the words to the freecreditreport.com commercials. He'll have no trouble checking online to make sure he's not too far in debt from late night TV purchases.

 

70 comments:

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Freaking hilarious! If you do get it, please send me some of those boobie pancake puffs.

Thanks babe.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Oh yeah, and I was FIRST!

Mr Lady said...

Oh, my, god. My 10 year old wants the EXACT SAME THING. It's going to be Generation Chef, I tell you what.

creative kerfuffle said...

crap--i haven't seen that commercial yet but i'm sure when we do the hubs will want it. he does most of the baking non-essential cooking and totally loves gadgets like that. but hello--my kids are the exact same way about tv commercials and being brainwashed. scary that they can do automatic playbacks of commercials at the drop of a hat.

Jamie said...

Love the boobie cake idea - Love it

and I can't speak to Lowe's but I can tell you that Chez Target does have this interesting item that has grabbed your little ones attention. I hope it is better that 'the perfect pancake' remember that ??? Yeah, didn't work so well and YES I am speaking from experience.

Jamie said...

Holy, Boobie cake, Batman,

I cracked the top five.

Sammanthia said...

Boob cakes with gumdrop nipples? Holy hell, I'd never get Mark out of the kitchen!
I have a set of Miracle Blade knives and Tae Bo video tapes... please don't hate more than I already hate myself.

csquaredplus3 said...

Very funny, and sweet. I used to rush to the television in the 60's and 70's if ANYTHING Ronco was advertised. Especially the Ronco Rhinestone and Stud Setter. So cool.

Marinka said...

I love him. And I need one of those things, too. Maybe two, to be safe. With flipping sticks.

Khadra said...

Why do they do this? My daughter has been watching all the infomercials as well. She thinks I NEEEEEED to buy a blanket with arms for myself and keeps showing me the commercial. Im not sure what message she is trying to send me..

mommy, Im concerned about your body temperature?

mommy, Im concerned that you have been hiding under the same ratty king sized blanket on the couch every night and you need an up grade?

or

mommy, you are getting too fat. Get the blanket with arms and call it a day.

If you get a puffy pancake maker please send crab puffs and boobs.

Stephanie said...

The Boy is a child after my own heart. I'll eat any food shaped like a ball. I lurve pancake balls especially. My husband knows to put one of those sweet little pans under the tree this year. No word yet whether he'll buy it at Lowe's...

Cameron said...

I was watching an infomercial the other day for some convection ifrared light oven thing, and Mr. T was one of the cooks. Cool right? The thing made a perfect steak in 16 minutes. And did I mention the steak was frozen? That's right, you don't even have to defrost. So if you're looking for Christmas ideas for me....

goodfather said...

When I was The Boy's age, I knew all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme songs (beginning AND the end song).

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Boob cakes? Right on! I can send you my penis jello mold and its a party! : )

Michele said...

From some of your comment luv I have come to the conclusion that I do not have enough freaking gadgets. JR would totally understand the boobie puffs.

Jamie said...

Your post inspired my most recent post! Thanks!

Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

I could be worse, he could be coveting some grow your own alien in goo that costs next to nothing but you just know it's actually going to cost plenty when it leaks over the sofa and embeds itself in the very fabric.
Think yourself lucky he only wants a kitchen item.

Mel said...

Hey good-lookin'! I'll be back to pick you up later.

With some Ginsu knives!

Wait, that sounds like I'm going to slice and dice you and put you in one of those little pancake puffs. Not my intent at all!

Heinous said...

Petra: Gladly. I don't know if you want me to have your home address though.

Mr Lady: We must be raising them right.

CK: Let me know and I can give you a website ;) Actually, it's in my google ads...arrrggghhh.

Jamie: See it's all a scam. If it works though, I'll send you some boobs.

Sammanthia: He can do the dishes then. Do those Tae Bo tapes lots?

c2+3: I miss the bedazzler.

Marinka: If you're going to throw parties, you'll definitely need two.

Khadra: I'd go with the ratty blanket theory. Puff and boobs for you if it shows up under my tree.

Stephanie: I can't even go there...

Cameron: Okay, can I send it in an email?

goodfather: Music, the universal language.

Sarah: and tacos, we should have tacos.

Michele: Because we all need more gadgets and bigger houses to store them in.

Jamie: You're welcome!

Tara: Lol...anything that comes with goo gets vetoed in these parts.

Heinous said...

Mel: Sneaky. You would make such an adorable serial killer with lines like that.

JaxPop said...

...... In stores you could pay as much as $99.95 but you can order them here at this introductory offer of only $14.99... & if you call within the next 4 minutes you get a 2nd complete set FREE just pay shipping & handling (which, of course is probably $75) Operators are standing by (don't they have chairs?)

Another good reason to avoid TV. Good Luck Dude.

(You could try a British food novelty being touted on Mark LaFlamme's blog today. That'll freak ya out.)

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

what a wonderful grasp of the absurd you have---thanks for the big chuckl yuour post solictied from me.---on a more serious note: how long have you lived in fear of your wife taking your toys away? (lol)

Vodka Mom said...

omg that was rich. Now, if he also wants ballet lessons, you might be in trouble.

Krystal said...

LOL!!! How funny - we were on the same track mindset today!!!! Your son remembering the Free Credit Report song and Sneaky Monkey with the credit counseling commercials. I swear, between our kids they could probably place the economic stability of this country on its tracks! Oh and I am so totally with him on the perfect pancake puff thing. Little Man loves pancakes, what can I say?

AngieSS said...

LOL Forget the kid -- I want one of those too!!!

Those dang commercials work on me as well. :)

Sprite's Keeper said...

But wait, there's more! Order now and we'll include not one but two perfect puff pans for only 19.95! Also, you'll receieve with our compliments an additional pair of flipping sticks! Use them to imitate a walrus! Fish out toast from the toaster! Insert into electrical outlets for firework fun! Order now!

Comedy Goddess said...

You really need this gadget. To keep your personal chef up to date.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Great minds think alike. I am working on an advertising post right now. My kids see these things and they have to have every single one. I could go broke from infomercials! Then I tell them "Honey, it's advertising, they are lying to try and sell you something." At which point the light goes off and one of them says "BUT WAIT! You are in advertising...!!!" Which makes me a lie teller.

Maternal Mirth said...

It must be a boy thing because my son wanted that a few months back, although he's not so much into the crab puffs as he was into the jelly filled donut holes.

I have to say, that does make it tempting.

Wayne John said...

mmmm! Puffs!

I bought a 'perfect egg' frying pan and flipper one time (still have it in fact). The pan is about 2 1/2 inches diameter, perfect for making your own Egg McMuffins.

I still make my eggs sunny side and drop em on plain white bread.

So much for McMuffins...

I think you should get them and make blueberry pancakes puffs...mmm....sounds delish!

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Where can I buy the boobie cake pan? My husband would love to get his hands on some.

My girl knows all the words to freecreditreport.com too. She even sings it with a backwards country accent and does a little jig.

BedsideTalesMan said...

That is TOO much! funny as hell. Well at least he did not have you back up to that 60 inch plasma TV commercial. I'm being attacked with, "new iPod, TV, XBOX360, car, new cell" etc.

you can get away with $19.95, I'm lookin at thousands.......damn marketers!!!

Tracey said...

My son insisted he knew the PERFECT Christmas present for me. He saw it on a commercial and it was perfect, just PERFECT, he said.

It was Mountain Scented fabric softener.

What does that say about me?

Lorraine said...

Sadly, I haven't seen that ad yet, but I'll never be able to look at a gumdrop again without cracking up.

CoftheU said...

My son wanted that last Christmas or the Christmas before (he's 6 now). We tried it out Christmas morning and they all stuck to the pan and were awful. We never tried it again and he's never even noticed.

He also insisted on getting the Readi-bed, the Infinity Razor and Moon Sand, all of which are crap. Anything on an infomercial and he's hooked.

Sherendipity said...

I'm totally going out and buying that and on the baking platter that I send to the ex-husband's family Christmas eve party, there will be BOOBIE CAKES WITH GUM DROP NIPPLES !!!!!!

Casey said...

Hehehe, gumdrop nipples. I can't believe your kid wants this thing but I say get it for him. You're going to love it when he's cooking for you guys.... and that was advertised on a kid's station? Weird.

anita doberman said...

Good stuff - I want it so that I can see if my husband comes up with the same thought you had about he boobies - bet he will
:)

Julia said...

Is it me, or are the flipping stick just wooden skewers?

Of course, now I want "boob cakes"

Braja said...

Oh god now I have "the steak knives" ad running through my mental soundtrack...you know the one: "BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! Not only does it come with...blah blah blah..."

Mrs.D said...

I'm glad my kid isn't the only one who wants weird stuff from tv. Mine thinks that spacebags are the coolest thing ever and is always entranced by the commercial. lol. He also likes the pancake puff pan, too. I think it just looks fun to make and eat, that must be it.

Cape Cod Gal said...

What freaks me out is that injector thingy. I'm all for kitchen gadgets, but that looks perverse. Wait...I like stuff like that too....oh well. The who thing is weird.

Captain Dumbass said...

I had one of those in a Williams & Sonoma once. They are good. Very good. They weren't selling all the strange injector thingys though. Those are a little disturbing.

Heinous said...

Jaxpop: I checked that out. You first...

Gary: I like absurd. It's just like life.

Debbie: No, none of those. The puffs may be out of reach for him too.

Krystal: It's good we're raising them to be so responsible.

Angie: Let me know how it works ;)

Jen: You have a career in announcing!

CG: Oh no, the current pan looks fine. I can roll a crepe.

Mary Anne: No, you're one of the honest ones.

MM: The crab was just a ploy to draw his mother into the web. It's all about the jelly.

Wayne: My son loves those, I flip up the edges while they cook. He gets them over easy though or it;s too messy.

TMM: Sadly, I think it's planted itself in my ads. That song is too damn catchy.

BTM: In due time...

Tracey: You're tough and soft all in one :)

Lorraine: Wait until you try to explain why you're laughing...

CoftheU: He's going to need an intervention. Thank you so much for coming by.

dipity: I'll need pictures of that. I'll even supply the gumdrops.

Casey: Nah, just channel surfing. I'll try to avoid that in the future.

anita: It's a guy thing.

Julia: They are...but they're so much better when advertied properly.

Braja: Glad I could bring back memories for you ;)

Mrs.D: You get one and let me know how it is....

CCG: lol...the jelly injector. Yeah, that has an off kind of ring to it.

Cap'n: Oh noes. A positive endorsement from the master decorator of food himself. Perhaps...no, I must be strong.

for a different kind of girl said...

I've never seen that promoted yet here, but I swear to you, I would want one, too! Also, you should really think about jumping on that boob cake thing now! You'd sell a ton of those things, thus securing your son's financial future!

Bee said...

My niece has been trying to get me to buy Orange Glow. Says it'll remove the scuff marks from my floor. She's 5 so I told her to get a job and buy it for me.

Janie said...

I think you ought to get them for the munchkin.

My nephew got hooked on infomercials and now he's an amazing gourmet chef. With a girlfriend.

CK Lunchbox said...

Man stuff like that is good to hear from another parent. The 6 year old plowed over her younger sister as she sprinted to get a pencil. "What the heck are you running for?" So she tells me, "I needed to get a pencil." When I asked what for it's because she had to write down the 1-800 number to order some flipping colored sand that clumps together to make junk.

A room packed full of toys and she's that hard up.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

If he's not asking for powdered sugar, you're in good shape.

Anndi said...

You had me at gumdrop nipples.

Oh... um, my 10 year old girl just barely looked at that sideways.

Mama Dawg said...

I would kill to see the puff boobies. Well, not kill. Just make obscene comments until I got my way.

kirsten said...

Used to work at lowes a while back so I'd say it was the best, but doubt it would carry your puff pan with flipping stick.

Hubby thought the puff boobies with gum drop nipples was hillarious. I told him nothing like that can come across the threshold of our home unless it represents something I have (don't want to get jealous of the puff pan's perkiness). It would have to make boobs that look like something out of National Geographic, where you'd have to lift a pant leg for a nipple to make an appearance. ~Grin~

Cat said...

I'm back! I know, you're totally relieved. Whew. Anyway, your kid is funny. I get like that with the salad chopping thingy. Those info-mercials...they are hypnotic. Fortunately, I'm too lazy to do anything that requires so much work as to pick up the phone and call in an order.

justsomethoughts... said...

so do they sell the flipping sticks separately. i mean, what happens if i just want the flipping sticks ?

Kylie w Warszawie said...

My kids never get to see commercials other than PSAs (perks of American Forces Network). Unfortunately when asked what my kids want for Christmas, we have no ideas.

Heinous said...

fadkog: hmmm...I never thought about the entrepreneurial aspect.

Bee: In many countries, she's past the prime age to run a sewing machine.

Janie: A girlfriend too? Double bonus.

Ron: The boy is interested in moon sand too. Lucky us.

LM: Nope, not yet.

Anndi: Hey, no peeking over there...

MD: If we end up with one of those things, I'll make sure to whip you up a batch.

Kirsten: I sure you're perky in his eyes ;)

Cat: I am relieved. I think they have an 'as seen on TV' aisle in certain stores for people like you ;)

jst: Yes and they're a really high ticket item too. Sold under the guise of bamboo skewers.

Kylie: I'll get me son on the phone for a sales pitch.

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

It's the cupcakenator ... cheap crap to suck kids/old people into wanting... The concept is good but why in the heck do we need all the gadgets to do everyday things? why can't a skillet be good enough?

Kirsten said...

Your boy sounds just like mine. He's five and he just discovered asking me for everything he sees on tv.

HeatherPride said...

Why do I find it so funny that of all things being advertised right now, your kid picks out the perfect puff as the perfect present?? That, my friend, is hilarious!!

Kat said...

Sometime half the fun of vising your blog is reading the tags! It pees on command? Really? Now if only I could teach that trick to my 2 year old!

luckeelady said...

OMG I am dying laughing and you are making me so hungry at the same time... you are so talented! I think I just have to buy one of those for my hubby, he's a boob man. I think you are going to make that company a bunch of money just from your hilarious post :)
WENDY

Red Cup Mom said...

I've seen that extended commercial too and it's very enticing. Who wouldn't want a stuffed piece of pastry???? I like luckeelady's comment... great gift idea for a boob man indeed. Maybe that's where the boy is headed?

LadyFi said...

I turn off the sound during ads and the kids have to make up their own words and songs.. works like a dream - and as yet, they don't want anything they have seen on TV. Which isn't much as ads that have kids as the target group are illegal on the state-owned channels over here in Sweden!

Thank god!

Heinous said...

Carrie: I'm with you there. Now if I could just figure out how to make boobs in a skillet.

Kirsten: See? They're plotting against us.

Heather: He's an odd one. I don't know where he gets it from.

Kat: Your two year old will get there ;)

Wendy: Look out Billy Mays, here I come.

Jen: We can only hope. But not too soon, of course.

LadyFi: That's a mighty fine idea they have going in Sweden.

Blarney said...

All I want for Christmas is a kids channel that doesn't have commercials. Seriously, I am so sick of the word for word recount of 'crap' toys, thingamajigs and Jarred. My husband was subjected to Jarred last season ... made a great story but none the less ...

Dory said...

OMG-- Rocky totally does that, too! Most recently, he's been begging for a Magic Bullet. I think he really wants it to grind up some of his brother's toys to torture him.
Dory

Heinous said...

Blarney: noggin. It's the only one I've found so far.

Dory: As long as he cleans it out before the next smoothie...

Weaselmomma said...

This is the 2nd young boy I have heard of to fall under the pancake puff spell. My be subliminal boobs.

Heinous said...

Wm: Finally, the mystery is solved.

Debbie said...

I was a little concerned at first about your son wanting a puff pan until you kindly pointed out the boob relationship. Now, I understand.