26 December 2008

That's Gonna Leave a Mark

The other day, I was in the kitchen tidying up. This is the important part, mind you. I was most pointedly NOT in the living room at the time and bear utterly no responsibility for what happened.

Not. My. Fault.

The Wife has acknowledged this fact.

Anyway, at some point I heard The Boy say, "Mom, I cut my finger." It was a simple statement of fact. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hmmm. "Curious," thought I. Being me though, when somebody says they cut themselves, I have to go see how good a job they did, so I walked into the living room to see what had happened.

The table was scattered with shreds of paper that magically occur when my son get a hold of a pair of scissors. No biggie.

The Wife was staring at some small particle that appeared to be roughly the size of two grains of rice. Not the long, wild kind. Just simple, white rice.

The Boy was staring complacently at his thumb.

The particle was actually a small chunk that The Boy had taken off of his thumb with the scissors.

I frowned. Cuts are easy, stanching a missing chunk sucks.

There is a peaceful time right after you cut yourself like that when your body seems to marshal its forces for one purpose and one purpose only.

To bleed. Profusely. With reckless abandon.

I knew it was coming, so I walked back into the kitchen for a clean towel. Then I heard the wailing.

Ah, right on time.

I came back to The Boy's thumb which had started bleeding. My first thought, being the loving father that I am was, "I hope he doesn't get any on the new couch." Seriously, blood is damn hard to get out.

I wrapped his thumb in the towel and let him know that we needed to apply pressure. He started a mantra. "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts."

The towel was fairly absorbent, so I waited for a second to see if he would calm down. He did not. Instead he added, "I can't believe I did that," to his mantra. A little long for an effective mantra in my book, but hey, he's six and still learning. The Wife playing with the piece of ex-thumb didn't help the matter, so I got rid of it. Ick. That's all I'm saying.

When I came back, The Wife was way past Frantic and heading on to Freaked. I'm sure that was most soothing to The Boy as well. I did what I had to and delivered the riot act to The Boy at 110 decibels. It elicited more tears, but he wilted and let me put pressure on. Mission accomplished.

Don't get me wrong, I was all compassionate and crap after that, but you have to get audience participation for stuff like this. It stopped after about 20 minutes. There was a brief tussle over cleaning the wound, but 'the hairy eyeball' squelched that handily.

He's fine now, no worries. The really funny thing? Here is the implement of destruction:

frosty

Don't screw with Frosty, man. He'll cut you bad. He's as cold as ice.

 

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69 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

merry Christmas. :-)

Vodka Mom said...

Frosty scissors????

We've had numerous cutting, slicing, bleeding, stitches incidents at our house. However, NONE involved Frosty scissors.

Cindy said...

Damn that frosty!

Laura said...

Hehehe. "Hairy eyeball".

Michele said...

Yeah, never trust a guy named Frosty. He'll lure you in with that coal smile and carrot nose. Next thing you know you're bleeding to death.

Keely said...

Frosty the Safety Scissors strike again? No wonder your wife was so freaked.

Cat said...

I love that he didn't start to cry until the blood arrived. I've done this too many times myself, I think I've got some kind of annual quota of finger-slicing programed into my DNA. If too many weeks pass with no damage, the next cut is ultra deep or in a spot that's hard to bandage. Stupid finger tip bandages are bullshit.

Comedy Goddess said...

So Frosty has his revenge! Hope the you all feel better today.

Diane said...

See? I told you... all Christmas-y characters suck.

I love the commotion that comes with blood. I do. I laugh (as long as I'm fairly certain it's not serious). That doesn't help. Ever. And still, I do it. Go figure.

Braja said...

C'mon, man, get with it: Frosty is like the Chucky of kiddy scissors... he's one evil dude. There's also Bride of Frosty. You better watch out for that bitch, she's mean...

Middle Aged Woman said...

Anybody whose head ends with two sharp blades? Bad news.

Lorraine said...

Oh that cold-hearted Frosty!

IB said...

How'd the wife feel about you stopping to snap a photo of Frosty for the blog?

IB

Weaselmomma said...

I always knew there was something evil lurking behind those black eyes.

Janie said...

Dang.

Those things look wicked.

Glad he's okay. You didn't mention stitches, so I'm assuming pressure did the trick.

Cape Cod Gal said...

Frosty looks evil. Cute scissors cannot be trusted.

Glad the boy is ok!

Stephanie said...

Frosty isn't fooling me. That smile is evil. I think he cut The Boy on purpose.

Mama Dawg said...

Damn Frosty!

Marinka said...

Great post, I assume. I passed out at the first mention of blood.

Cameron said...

Suck it Frosty!!

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Ouch! Glad he's ok!!! And hopefully no blood on the couch! : )

Queen Bee said...

Hahah...but he looks so friendly!

Giggle Pixie said...

You would think if you got cut with snowman scissors they would at least numb the finger and staunch the bleeding. Hmmmm.

Maybe snowmen really ARE evil. lol

creative kerfuffle said...

i think frosty got a bad wrap (snicker). but you would think it would have come w/ some snow numbing agent. what did you do w/ the lobbed off thumb?
i did something similar in college on a mirror; i mailed the sliced tip of my thumb to my mom : )

goodfather said...

We tried to watch 'Frosty the Snowman' here, and the three-year-old ran from the room screaming. She knows, man. She knows.

goodfather said...

By the way, I hope you had a very Merry Christmas!

Captain Dumbass said...

Build the boy a snowman then let the cards fall where they will. Revenge is a dish best served cold, as the Klingons say.

Christmas is over.

Robin said...

It's always the innocent-looking ones, now isn't it?

Heinous said...

Debbie: Stay away from him, he's not worth the pain.

Cindy: A blowtorch should fix him.

Laura: We practice that a lot here.

Michele: That sounds like personal experience...

Keely: It was so unexpected from him.

Cat: That's okay, it clears the mind.

CG: He's back to normal. He'll even use those scissors now.

Diane: It IS funny. Not as good as falling down, but a close second.

Braja: Chucky rocks. So does his bride, not so much in doll form though.

Maw: I never thought of it that way.

Lorraine: You've been forewarned.

IB: I did it after the fact ;)

WM: Proof at last.

Janie: No stitches. Who knew they were so sharp?

CCG: Beware of bunnies too...

Stephanie: He's relegated to the back of the drawer.

MD: Let's start a campaign to get him banned.

Marinka: You? Squeamish? I don't believe it for a second.

Cameron: Who else is with us!?

Sarah: No blood on the couch. Double bonus.

Queen Bee: Don't be fooled.

GP: We could market that.

CK: We tossed it in with the coffee grounds. A mirror you say? You did that with a razor blade then?

goodfather: The evil just oozes from him. We had a great Christmas. I hope you had the same.

Cap'n: I have plans for Frosty...

Robin: It is. Trust no one innocent looking. Other than me, of course.

Michelle said...

Ouch!
It's profoundly disturbing when you cut a piece of yourself off... Having recently done it, I have nothing but sympathy.
Oh, and your description... so completely accurate...
I'm glad he's on the mend!

Happy Campers said...

I potoato-peeled my knuckle last night with a new vegetable peeler I got in my stocking...so I totally feel your boy's pain!

Those are some evil scissors, disgused behind a very friendly facade.

:) Glad he was OK...

Nooter said...

(squeak-eee) (squeak) (squeak)

The Stiletto Mom said...

Who knew Frosty was such a bad ass? I'll heed your warning Heinous. Our biggest injury so far has been Twister induced...which in case you were wondering, should not be played by anyone over the age of 30 EVER.

Hope you had a great Christmas!

Maternal Mirth said...

"My first thought, being the loving father that I am was, "I hope he doesn't get any on the new couch."

That would have been my 1st thought, too. Looks like we're going to go head to head for the POTY award.

Also, all snowmen are known to turn on you. You would be a little on the bitter side, too, if you didn't have any legs.

Lastly, a little snowman humor (The Boy will get a kick out of this joke): What did one snowman say to the other? ANSWER: Is it just me or does it smell like carrots in here?

MERRY (late) CHRISTMAS!

Maggie, Dammit said...

Holy shit!

After the first few lines I thought you were gonna say somebody broke the leg lamp. But the real story was even crazier!

Merry Christmas, my friend. No more bleeding.

Casey said...

Holy shit, the snowman did that? That poor kid. Glad he got to keep the finger, that would have been a completely different Xmas story. And a snowman.... man! That's the perfect murder weapon since it'll melt before the cops show up to investigate. Just sayin... use an ice dagger.

Steve Ballmer said...

You write well!

Tracey said...

Perfect ending.

Glad he's ok. What's a little chunk of a finger, you know? I'm amazed you were able to put pressure on that long. Most men have that natural curiosity (like a cat. Or a toddler...) to keep peeking at the wound, thereby nullifying most of the previous pressure applied. DRIVES ME NUTS.

Merry Christmas. Hope it wasn't all bloody!

Lee said...

Ah! Frosty! A nasty piece of work!

SweetPeaSurry said...

Oh my ... I used to think Frosty was such a lovable old soul. I can see now, the complete error in judgement.

I'm sure it didn't take long for him to show off his 'war wound' to anyone who would look at it though!!!

Paige said...

This just goes to show that too much holiday jocularity can kick you square in the ass. I knew it all the time

Heinous said...

Michelle: I hope yours was a small piece :)

HC: Ouch. I'm sorry to hear that. At least they work. Thank you so much for coming by.

Nooter: Santa brought someone a new squeaky toy...

Mary Anne: Lol...Twister strikes again. We had a great Christmas. I hope yours was the same.

MM: I'll hve to step up my game if you're in the running for POTY. I hope your Christmas was wonderful!

Maggie: Merry Christmas, Maggie. We'll shoot for a bloodless New Year.

Casey: As long as I'm not on your list of people to off...

SB: Thank you!

Tracey: There was some struggling before the whole 15 minutes was up, but I'm bigger ;)

Lee: I'm taking his magic hat.

Surry: I told him it would be a badge of honor and he's doing me proud.

Paige: No more festive cutting implements for us.

Ann's Rants said...

Jeezus, thems freaky scissors. Well at least he didn't wave it all over the room, like I did when I sliced my thumb and got 8 stitches. Looked like a damn crime scene after my hysteria. Sounds like you did a damn fine job.

Wayne John said...

That's got to hurt! let's get a snap of that thumb!

Exacto knives and model planes....there's a reason I don't play with those two things together anymore...

Hope your kid has quit bleeding all over the place! heh heh (hope he's ok!)

Kelley said...

You sure you ain't my brother?

Cause can you imagine the pain we could inflict on the Damn Emos?

It would be epic.

Kat said...

Frosty is one bad mamajamma!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

# 47? Man, I suck as a BFF. Good thing I am so cute, or you would totally have to fire my ass...

Anyway, those Frosty scissors will get you every time. We have a pair that look like a cute little ladybug and they practically took out an eye last week. Don't let the cuteness fool you. Wait a second...

CaJoh said...

Frosty the evil scissors…

I cut the tip off my finger (future post) and had to run it and the tip under cold water to get it to stay on. Hope he's feeling better now.

Lola said...

I never liked that Frosty. His goofy voice always made me keep my distance!

Lucky for your boy I wasn't there with my brand new surgical instrument kit for minor surgery that my husband gave me for Christmas. He would have been my first suture practice ;)

Oh, and I always have to yell at my son to be able to get a band-aid on or off him. His instant hatred for me gets his mind off the injury so I can do my work.

Dory said...

"the piece of ex-thumb"

BWAHahahahahahahahahahaha!

Dory

anymommy said...

Thank you for those scissors at the end. I was feeling all squeamish and yucky over the thumb piece and wiping my own thumb reflexively on my pants. Then, I saw the scissors and I can't stop laughing.

April said...

uhg. i can't get past the 'piece of thumb' *barf*

Geri said...

You just can't trust frosty, can you?

Mary Moore said...

Frosty scissors are the most dangerous. Did you not know that?

Miss Grace said...

I have a mark on one finger from trimming it with a pair of...well...trimmers. And I'm missing a substantial part of my right ring finger from getting it hacked off by the front door when I was seven. But that was a bigger deal, requiring $10,000 in plastic surgery and whatnot.
So it could be worse?

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

It looks like santa brass knuckles with a knife at the end. That kid's lucky to be alive.

Tony said...

FIRST!!!!! hahahahahaha...Yeah! In your faces!!!!!!

just kidding, part of that is all the medication I'm taking now makes a little loopy another part of it is that I just wanted to screw with everyone.

Those scissors look creepy. I don't think I'd have them in my house in the first place.

Anndi said...

Did you have him walk it off? Rub some dirt on it?

Hoping the New Year will bring you and your family Love, Peace and ample opportunities to taunt the neighbors!

Heinous said...

Ann: The calm comes from years of practicing on myself ;)

Wayne: He's fine now. It just looks like a little flat spot now.

Kelley: I can definitely help out with that. That's what the emos want, isn't it?

Kat: Yup, watch your back.

Petra: I'll let it slide since it's the holidays. I'm not fooled by simple cuteness anymore. Lucky you're complex...

Cajoh: I'm looking forward to that post.

Lola: That would have been fun though. I'll give you a call next time. See? Yelling, it's a tactic.

Dory: It was reluctant about it though, I could tell.

anymommy: As long as you can walk away with a laugh, it's always worth it :)

April: It was just a teeny piece.

Geri: Not anymore... Thank you for coming by.

Mary: I do now.

Miss Grace: Ouch, you win. We'll look forward to that blog too.

Jenny: Lol. I didn't know the big man came packing for trouble. If you need them for your finger, let me know.

Tony: Meds rule! Having them was not my choice, but I can keep the boy in line by pulling them out now.

Anndi: Ahh, coaches' wisdom from times long past. Thank you Anndi and here's wishing you the same (well, maybe not the neighbor bit.)

Charmaine said...

Poor little fella.

Frosty got me when I was 6 too.

Someone's gotta take this bast*ard DOWN.

Charmaine said...

Poor little fella.

Frosty got me when I was 6 too.

Someone's gotta take this bast*ard DOWN.

Heinous said...

Charmaine: We'll join forces and take him out. Thank you so much for coming by.

blueviolet said...

Yeah, Frosty he's got that good rep and all but he's a dude with secrets.

Sass said...

Wow. Frosty. Who knew?

Me, You, or Ellie said...

And I thought Santa was a bastard...

Ellie

Nap Warden said...

That Frosty...he'll cut you every time;P

Khadra said...

OH MY GOD! Pieces of thumbs are NOT my department. I would faint. yuuuuuck!

Hope his finger is feeling better. We were much better off, the only thing cut here that wasnt supposed to be were my 6 year old's bangs.

Moonspun said...

Oh my Goodness! That's quite a story...

Heinous said...

blueviolet: Sure, don't warn me ahead of time.

Sass: I sure didn't. I'm glad I could expose his sinister side before he claims more victims.

Ellie: I think Frosty could take him easy.

NW: He does such a nice job on wrapping paper though.

Khadra: We all survived. I hope the hair looks okay now ;)

Moonspun: Hopefully, we won't have to relive it.