03 December 2008

The (yeah, that's right I totally forgot the title today and will let it stand as a monument to my idiocy)

The other day, The Wife came down and said that her chest felt a little tight and she had been coughing. She had bronchitis last year so I just said, "Call the doctor and have her look at it." She took my profoundly sage advice and called me at work to let me know she made an appointment. Because she calls about everything, that's why. Everything. Every. Last. Thing. Not that I mind (this, of course, will be the one post she ever reads on my blog.)

Anyway. She said she had talked to the nurse and they got her in at the branch office. I filed that away under the heading of "really important stuff to know" and worked away until she got back from her appointment.

She called and I asked, "How was the appointment?"

Her answer in convenient anecdotal form:

She got to the doctor's office and been whisked away to one of the exam rooms. Standard procedure so far. The doctor comes in, points to the machine behind her, and says, "Let's get you hooked up to that."

The Wife looked at the machine and said, "What is that?"

"An EKG," came the reply.

"For potential bronchitis??? Can't you use a stethoscope?"

The good doctor paused and said, "The nurse entered in that you had called in complaining of chest pains. We cleared the afternoon appointments for you."

(Here's the point where I feel that I should point out that The Wife is a good Catholic girl who got a triple helping of the associated guilt that should come along with any fine, Catholic upbringing.)

"Oh. My. God. I'm so sorry. But I just said my chest felt tight. Like it was congestion. Really, I didn't mean to. Blah, blah, blah" (Insert about five minutes of apologizing for most of the world's ills here.)

The doctor laughed and assured her it was okay. She was good natured about it the whole situation and quite relieved.

Which brings us back to the phone conversation:

The Wife: "I felt so bad."

Me (laughing, especially since I have none of the appropriate Catholic guilt instilled in my black soul): "It wasn't your fault, the nurse entered it in wrong."

TW: "But they cleared the whole afternoon."

Me (still laughing): "Again, not your fault that the nurse was a twit with poor diagnostic skills."

TW: "Well, YOU told me to say my chest felt tight."

I stayed silent here...well, except for the laughing. I don't recall what I said verbatim, but if she says that's what was said, it probably was. I did not however force her to say anything and had nothing to do with the nurse's poor triage skills.

Me: "That's so going in the blog."

Later I was talking with my dad and he asked how everyone's health was. I just burst out laughing and said, "Great. Bern's EKG came out awesome." I caught a look for that one. That's okay, 'the look' pretty much slides off anymore. I'm bulletproof.

I think the best part is that she didn't have bronchitis. She didn't even have a cold. The doctor thought it was probably just a case where she needed a humidifier. At least that's easier to run than an EKG.

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53 comments:

The Stiletto Mom said...

FIRST???

The Stiletto Mom said...

Oh heck yeah I'm first! Just when I thought I'd never beat Petra again. Sweet! :)

Ok, off to read now....

The Stiletto Mom said...

Top Three? Wow....

So glad she is okay but how funny on the confusion...I do have a good dose of Catholic guilt so I know how she felt!

JaxPop said...

Our doctor (His real name is Dr Butcher) is always jammed. We rarely visit - mostly 'cause it's a hastle & 'cause his office is 60 miles away. When you do call about a problem - they always want to see you "a week from Thursday". No matter what.

JaxPop said...

Whoa!! - Top 5 - THAT never happened before. Now I feel sick.

Captain Dumbass said...

Spouses are such fantastic sources of blog fodder. We should have awards for them. Aside from being married to us, of course.

- Celes - said...

It's probably a good thing the wife doesn't read the blog. Could you imagine the "That's not what I said!" comments? Not so good... what happens when the boy starts reading it though? You know he will...

steenky bee said...

Stiletto Mom Bogarted the top position here. JaxPop was a close second. I am declaring first in my time zone. Humidifier, huh? If she ever gets a cavity, make sure she's very specific about the sort of pain she's experiencing. One thing might lead to another and you'll end up seeing a brain surgeon. I like the new look over here. You probably changed it weeks ago, I've been lame in the blogworld.

Diane said...

It's always the husband's fault.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Top 10??

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

phew!

I go to the stupid video store and lose my top spot and then I almost don't make top 10! That's it, I am not leaving the house anymore...

Anyway, seeing that you get so annoyed because your wife calls you about everything, does that mean I need to stop sending you e-mails every time I take a shower, do the dishes or go to the bathroom? Cause that would seriously clear my day...

Be glad she just needs a humidifier and not an iron lung! Now that is a serious killjoy.

csquaredplus3 said...

It's a short trip from congestion to congestive heart failure...

Great story!

Casey said...

I love it and I'm so using that story from now on when I call the pedi. It beats the hour wait we've been dealing with left and right.

Khadra said...

Id say your wife is a genious and Id like to get her to call dr's and make appointments for me too.

I dont think you have to be Catholic to feel guilty on a regular basis. being a woman is good enough reason, we cant help it.

Heinous said...

Mary Anne: W00t! She's a first class stalker.

Jaxpop: wow, I never thought I'd be impressed with the service around here.

Cap'n: I think that's award enough personally ;)

Cindy: I never make things up...I only omit for clarity's sake.

Jen: Could it be? The elusive steenky? It's nice to have you back.

Diane: But you forget about my impending sainthood.

Petra: If I don't have that info, how can I stalk you properly? Silly.

Chris: Thank you :)

Casey: I hope it works for you.

Khadra: Maybe she could start a service...

Mel said...

Ditto Diane. I haven't even every been married and I know that. Sheesh!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Bern and I must be cut from the same cloth. I would still be apologizing and sending a card. Oh yeah, I DID look down here and I DO see this test area.

mo.stoneskin said...

Ha, you broke my number one rule. Never mention the blog when having one of those sorts of conversations with the missus...

I find that my ephiphanies expressed in a moment of exuberance aren't really appreciated.

Comedy Goddess said...

Pretty much like a Doctors office to make the patient feel guilty for their support teams mistake.

I like to keep them waiting. Once I am allowed into the exam room, I go to the ladies room. For a long time. Lipstick, hair brushing, washing hands, all take time. It keeps them humble.

Michele said...

I find it interesting that they cleared the whole afternoon for her when she doesn't have a past history of heart disease. Or does she?

I call up for an appointment and I wait a week minimum. And that is with my cardiologist.

Glad she passed her EKG.

BedsideTalesMan said...

Oh...how I feel your pain!!

I ge all kinds from the woman. She 'gets' tumors, pnemonia, broken necks, etc. I have a hard time now responding...feeling bad...or just giving the loving nod and cuddling.

Kirsten said...

Tell her she won't feel bad after she gets the bill!

Cat said...

Wow, that's amazing. She's lucky they didn't just slice her open for a bypass right then and there!

Cat said...

Wow, that's amazing. She's lucky they didn't just slice her open for a bypass right then and there!

justsomethoughts... said...

a black soul indeed.

i'm sure there is some divine retribution for drs offices everywhere triple booking patients so a 4:30 afternoon appointment really means 10:45pm.
and i'm still not bulletproof from dad's "look". any pointers? or does that go back to the "black soul" thingie...

Ann's Rants said...

I had to use the BVM in my post today--I tagged you.

Vodka Mom said...

That's ANOTHER reason why I never listen to my husband. Does she need me to come over and give her some advice?

DeeMarie said...

At least they are a concerned Practice!! I learned that if you go to ER and complain that your short of breath and your BP is through the roof, they will not even take the time to admit you. Straight to the bed, strapped up and evaluated!!!

Wayne John said...

Back to that cell phone thing...

I get my calls in waves apparently. The more I am out of sight and out of mind, the less calls I get, but one thing happens that involves even the slightest bit of me, ring ring.

Hope your wife feels better really soon!

for a different kind of girl said...

Here's how I look at it - I bet she's clocked enough hours over time sitting and waiting for the doctor to come in for an exam, so everyone comes out even in the end after this!

Maternal Mirth said...

At least the nurse didn't think it was colon cancer ...

Lorraine said...

I always use the "YOU told me to" line. Gets em' every time. Guys may have convenient hearing but with that line women have convenient obedience.

Kat said...

At least they got her seen in a timely manner. I mean if it had been an Air Force doctor she would have been lucky to have been seen in a week.

The Hussy Housewife said...

Gotta love going to the Doctor...but reat assured that I am sure the Doc won't feel the economic pinch from looses a few patients. I am sure they will still me able to make their BMW payment.

Also I can't help but feel that maybe your wife keeps telling you her "chest feels tight" as some form of four-play. Maybe you should tell her you will take a look at it. Why miss a opportunity to take a peak at the girls? Just some friendly advice....

jennster said...

lmfao- well it's always your fault. don't you know that by now?

Sammanthia said...

I'm number 36... do I get some sort of prize?
I'm going to do that on purpose the next time I'm sick and don't want to wait forever to see the doctor. I'm going to start screaming "I HAVE CHEST PAINS!" and see how fast they come running. After they've whisked me to a room, I'm going to say, "Dude, it's just a cold. Chill." I think that would be funny. And maybe illegal, I'm not sure.

Diane said...

Yeah, I wondered about the whole "THE" thing but I didn't want to point it out and make you feel stupid and all... I'm nice that way. Of course, if I was really nice, I wouldn't have mentioned that I noticed it at all. I would have said, "Don't worry about it, Jim... no one noticed." But I did totally notice your brain-fart... did I mention that already?

Robin said...

"It wasn't your fault, the nurse entered it in wrong."
Ya know, I was TOTALLY gonna go for a that-what-she-said joke but it kinda doesn't work here. Dammit.

Braja said...

No. 39 with a bullet!! You can bet your sorry ass I'm first in India to read this, so I'm First in a whole country of 1 billion people. Think about that...

I leave my husband completely out of my blog. I don't need the angst....

Braja said...

Oh yeah and also, if we ever get divorced, imagine all those lame posts mentioning my husband???

lol...

Pearl said...

I rarely discuss my husband in my blog. Makes my boyfriend jealous.
Pearl

CK Lunchbox said...

Hands down the funniest thing I've read this week. I should give your wife, my wife's number and they can call one another. My wife is relentless if I don't answer her regular calls. During the hurricane my cell died and she couldn't get a hold of me, so she then proceeds to attempt a seven mile hike to where she thought I was. I filed a restraining order the next day.

Bee said...

Ha ha! I have NO Catholic guilt either. And I went to Catholic school. Maybe that's why?

Anyway, in my relationship it's the hubs who calls me about nothing AND everything. He gets mad when I say "Are you done? Because I'm very busy!"

Jannie said...

Glad she's ok. You are so funny. And I bet she calls so much because she's crazily in love forever with you.

Tracey said...

At least she didn't feel so guilty that she acquiesced and let them run the EKG! Some people would have felt SO guilty, they would have gone along with the unnecessary test!

Tony said...

first off - I'm glad your wife is ok

second - that was funny man. I think it's funny how you said, "That's so going in the blog"

kirsty815 said...

Glad it wasn't to serious and she got it sorted. I would've felt the same guilt, but I'm also a hypochodriac so I'd probably of had a panic attack when they pulled out the EKG..lol

Heinous said...

Mel: I'm completely innocent.

Jen: No you didn't...

mo: I'm just trying to taunt her into actually reading my blog.

CG: atta girl. Fight the power. I'll pass on the lipstick though.

Michele: No history. Just weens at the helm.

BTM: Always have to do the loving nod...

Kirsten: nah, we have a co-pay. No biggie.

Cat: That would have sucked. It would have gone in the blog, but it would have sucked.

jst: it's all about that black soul. Sharpies do the trick.

Ann: Great post. I liked it.

Debbie: I still don't know why she listens to me.

DeeMarie: strapped to a bed? Your practice sounds fun.

Wayne: She's perking up. Thanks :)

fadkog: I completely agree. She should have at least played with the EKG.

M&M: That would have been a hilarious blog.

Lorraine: That one always quiets me down.

Kat: Our armed forces? I'm shocked.

HH: I'll get on that tonight ;)

jennster: I do. It's safer that way.

Sammanthia: Let me know if it's illegal...

Diane: Fine, rub it in.

Robin: I'll try to set one up for you.

Braja: You rock! I experience no angst. Bulletproof.

Pearl: You're so sweet to think of your boyfriend like that ;)

Ron: If they call each other, we're off the hook for a while, right?

Bee: Those nuns must have smacked it right out of you.

Jannie: She is. She's so lucky...I mean I am.

Tracey: She's close to that, trust me.

Tony: I'll get her to read it yet.

kirsy815: I still say it would have been fun to do the EKG...

Krystal said...

So totally beyond priceless!!!

mrsmouthy said...

As a fellow Catholic, I caught some of your wife's guilt and will spend much of tomorrow apologizing to anyone I know in the medical field. I feel so badly!

Blarney said...

If they'd turn this parking lot around I'd be first I'd tell you!!!

Glad you convinced her to go in and make the call with gusto! The Dr probably needed an excuse to get out early anyway ...

Heinous said...

Krystal: Oddly, her favorite TV show of all time is I Love Lucy.

mrsmouthy: I know how that is...

Blarney: Better to get whatever it is fixed...even if it's just piece of mind.

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