10 December 2008

Anti-Wordless Wednesday

I tried, I really did. I had pictures here and everything. They just sat there though...taunting me. They weren't funny, they weren't witty. They were just there.

Instead, let's talk about a cat...

There was this cat in the neighborhood. He was a neighbor's cat and would roam about. We tend to believe in keeping cats in the house when you live in town. That way they don't decimate the bird population and are much healthier in the long run. I don't point this out to the neighbors who let their cats roam though. If I'm going to potentially alienate a neighbor, I like to go big. Ideological differences aren't any fun. Now a pulling a single leaf off the psychos' tree on the corner property...that's my idea of fun because they. Lose. Their. Shit. Then I egg them on because the rest of the block enjoys the harpy shrieks of the female half of team whackjob too.

That's another story though...I digress.

So this cat was about 6 months old and was pretty keen on finding all the female cats in the hood and doing what boys do. My wife is on the board at the SPCA so this creates an instant issue.

The Wife: "What should I do?"

Me: "Not hearing this."

TW: "Seriously, what should I do?"

Me: "Seriously. Not hearing this."

My ruse of temporary deafness did not work however. Imagine that. Perhaps I should try the old "air embolism" ruse next time. I'll have to write that down. We talked about it for a while and it was decided (by her, I just replayed Jimmy Buffett songs in my head -- it's easy to smile and nod with Jimmy playing) that we would abscond with said cat and get him snipped as a public service.

Yee freaking hah.

Off the cat goes to get a denutification and promptly picks up a respiratory infection. Note to owners of said cat: vaccinations are a good thing. Now The Wife is in a tizzy. Let's play "What happened next?"

A) Cat convalesces at the SPCA.

B) Cat gets adopted and recuperates at a new, loving owners house.

C) Cat hangs on the futon in my attic where I get to give him a 14 day course of antibiotics and develops the uncanny ability to turn on the TV to watch daytime/late-night television while I'm not looking and causes The Boy to grow progressively more attached while I continually think that two cats in the house is just fine and when is he going back to either the SPCA or the previous (rightful?) owners.

Thanks for playing people...I think you all picked the right answer. There is no prize though because I got no prize in this deal either. So tough noogies.

So let's imagine where this will end up...

Have I mentioned that we've had 5 cats? (not all at the same time) Three were shelter cats but more importantly, two were from a neighbor whose house I can point to from mine. Yeah, I know I'm screwed despite my objections.

Well, at least I like the cat...unlike the "Little Dog" reign of terror.

 

50 comments:

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

What a patient and wonderful husband you are to put up with all the horny rehabbing animals that your wife brings home...

well, except for the whole singing Jimmy Buffet songs in your head while she talks, that's just rude.

just sayin...

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

and yes, again, FIRST, because I am STALKERIFFIC!

That should be in the urban dictionary, don't you think...?

Wayne John said...

Well, at least the cat was safe around your house. I like that you guys also find your cats as opposed to buying them. Too many are killed each year because no one wants them.

Did I mention I like cats? Nice post sir!

Yeah, you're screwed for sure dude.

Wayne John said...

*Almost first*

That damn expat said...

That's hilarious!

Michele said...

We firmly believe in neutering our pets.

We once took our long-haired cat into the vet to be spayed. This is how the phone call went...

vet: Mr. R
Mr. R: yes
vet: you brought your cat into to be spayed, right?
Mr.R: yes
vet: Can we neuter him instead?

Those little balls were hard to see with all that fur. I'm just saying...

Khadra said...

My husband has just learned to give in. He knows Im going to feed all the animals in the neighborhood, and possiblly kidnap one. He gave up a long time ago.

Much like you have, I see :)

Cape Cod Gal said...

My husband is going to be quite surprised one day when he comes home to a new kitty. He hates cats, I like them. I rule the home therefore, I get one! :)

blissfully caffeinated said...

In under 10. Woot!

blissfully caffeinated said...

So, let me get this straight. You took your neighbor's cat, ran up vet bills on it, and then it became your cat? Oh dear.

Listen, I love cats. Seriously, I am a cat lover. But no way am I taking in my irresponsible neighbors cats.

Here's what you do in the future. Go down to the SPCA, they will give you a free trap/cage/thingy to borrow. Put some wet food in there, trap the kitty and take him to his new home at the shelter. I've had to trap several feral cats like that.

Or, you can do it your wife's way and stay married.

It's just a suggestion.

And please spill the leaf story.

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Oh You would hate me...I let my cat out during the day to play then he comes home at night to sleep and eat. He is neutered though and has all his shots. Please don't catnap him! : )

Cat said...

That? Is about 5 cats more than I could tolerate living under my roof. Your dog might as well be a cat, for all the size he's got on him. You're a softie at heart.

Strange Pilgram said...

I think we might have lived on the same block before I moved over here. Is your psycho neighbor's name Dan? We call ours "Neighbor Dan" because Dan is the name my Mom gave to every guy when playing with my son... Firefighter Dan, Police Officer Dan, Teacher Dan... always sounded psycho to me and then I FREAKED when I found out our psycho neighbor was named Dan. Sorry, long, nutjob comment.

HeatherPride said...

This reminds me of when my parents adopted their neighbor's cat that they "accidentally" left behind when they moved. And who couldn't stand NOT to be pregnant as soon as she pushed a litter out. But now she's fat, sassy and FIXED so all's well that ends well, right?

creative kerfuffle said...

good for you for saving the cat! it's the opposite in our house--the kids and the hubs bring in the strays and i either have to put my foot down or not. needless to say, we added a kitty about 2 months ago. our felines are indoor only too.

Comedy Goddess said...

You are generous to the core!

BTW, my daughters friend was given a dog, a real live very cute dog, for a present. Now. Just before Christmas. How's that for ruining the appeal of the guinea pig Santa was bringing us?

mo.stoneskin said...

I thought it was a trick question with the answer being:

D) Cat vomits down your trousers.

So it's not so bad, right?

BedsideTalesMan said...

Funny that you posted about taking in animals today....I kind of did too.

manicmariah is al about saving all animals...and bringing them all home!

DeeMarie said...

C. I pick C!!!
Oh wait. I'm pretty sure everyone else did too. And I'm also guessing that when it comes to animals, you get no say.

Robin said...

Denutification! (Heh)

The technical term, of course

Mel said...

Oh! I'm totally using the Jimmy Buffett program when my mom stays with me all bleeping week next week, and possibly longer.

Oh, I like mine with lettuce and tomato...

The Stiletto Mom said...

So that is what my husband is doing while he's smiling and nodding...listening to Jimmy Buffet songs! This post has helped me to understand my spouse better, thank you Heinous!

Heinous said...

Petra: I only do that when the outcome is decided already ;)

Wayne: I'm with you there. It looks like a three cat household coming up.

expat: For you it is ;)

Michele: It is a hard call with cats. We name one of our cats napoleon once. She didn't mind.

Khadra: Life is easier that way.

CCG: You win.

Jen: She workd there and knows they're overrun right now. The leaf story is coming up soon.

Sarah: As long as he's neutered and vacced, that's awesome.

Cat: Lucky me.

SP: Not, even better. His name is Dick.

Heather: Isn't the 'accidental' part great?

CK: Stay strong ;)

CG: They can be playmates!

mo: Better than that.

btm: It's all about the karma.

DeeMarie: Nope, none at all.

Robin: I couldn't find it in the medical dictionary. It must be an old one.

Mel: It works wonders.

Mary Anne: No, no. I'm sure he can repeat your conversations back word for word.

Diane said...

I have a 9-year-old I can drop off at your house if you'd like. The Boy would probably love a sister, right?

Giggle Pixie said...

Okay, I understand you went along with all this under a certain amount of duress...but that said, you went along with it nonetheless and as an avid animal lover and hater of fucking people who have no compunction with taking in "pets" and then basically abusing them by neglecting them and letting them "roam free" where they are exposed to all sorts of danger and disease and...

(takes a deep breath)

Sorry. I'm going to quietly step off my soapbox now and just say thank you to you and your wonderful wife.

Miss Grace said...

I'm a believer in outside cats. Cats were domesticated with a certain amount of self-sufficiency in mind.

I also grew up on a 200 acre ranch in the mountains, so my opinion on the outsidiness of animals may be a touch skewed.

Casey said...

Hehe, congrats on the new addition. At least it'll only live another 20 years or so....

goodfather said...

I just got denutificated myself. True story.

Krystal said...

Thank God my kids hate cats!!!

Lee said...

A great story about domesticated animals. Thank you.

Mrs.D said...

I wish I could bring home random cats. I love my kitty, but would love to have more. But the husband says NO WAY. I've tried and tried. So I envy you.

Blarney said...

Would you like another small dog? I've got the perfect one for you.

NoBS said...

Nothing left to say but...Congratulations on the new kitty!!!

Kim Woodbridge said...

I wish my kitties could go outside but since I live right smack in Philly it's much too dangerous for them. They are both former strays that decided I was a sucker. One came running right up to me and started purring and rubbing on my leg outside my house. She was brought in and taken to the vet. She is the sweetest but the stinkiest - I can not get the alley out of that cat.

The other one was a tiny little kitten abandoned at the park - we found her last summer. Scooped her up, brought her to the vet, put up flyers, considered finding her a new home but by that point my daughter was smitten.

I think you love animals way more than you let on.

Captain Dumbass said...

So glad I can pull the allergy card when the kids start talking about cats.

Vodka Mom said...

Do I even SAY anything about an extra pussy.....cat at your house? DO I??

No, I won't.

Braja said...

I just like the smooth segue from "no pics today folks" to "cats." It was like 100 yr old whisky.
I love cats. They're the rudest animals alive.

- Celes - said...

Once again, good thing wife doesn't read the blog... you practically brag about tuning her out. :) Hope she has a good sense of humor. She would have to, right?

Real Live Lesbian said...

No such thing as too many pussies. ;)

Jannie said...

Even when you think you want for funny and witty things to say, you pull it off beautifully!!

Sprite's Keeper said...

We have horny cats across the street from us. And their animals are almost as bad.

for a different kind of girl said...

My new neighbors let their cat wander around (and make weird cat noises) at night. Any chance I can ship it off to you discreetly?

:)

Kylie w Warszawie said...

I used to have two cats that my daughter rescued living in my garage. They replaced my furnace and one of the cats disappeared. So now I have one cat living in my house.

I don't like cats.

georgie said...

stoppin by to see if you are my SSCSI exchange partner...will be back

Anndi said...

Well, at least I like the cat...

Give it time, it'll wretch in your shoe or something charming like that any day now...

Heinous said...

Diane: She's housebroken, right?

GP: I'm with you there. We have a few of those soapboxes laying around the house.

Miss Grace: There's little chance they would get pasted by a car there too ;)

Casey: Yeah, lucky us.

goodfather: You weren't kidnapped first, were you?

Krystal: Lucky, you must have trained them young.

Lee: I'm glad you liked it.

Mrs.D: Maybe he won't even notice...

Blarney: No small dogs allowed. I'm hanging a sign...

NoBS: yay me!

Kim: I do, just maybe not herds of them...

Cap'n: Hey, they make pills for that.

Debbie: Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Braja: They have aloof down as an art.

Celes: She does. She'd never have married me otherwise ;)

RLL: You just rock for saying that.

Jannie: Thanks!

Jen: Turn the hose on them.

fadkog: Sure, let me get Vodka Mom's address.

Kylie: I wonder if the other is in the furnace.

georgie: 'twasn't me, sorry. No island nation for you.

Anndi: I'll just pour it in the wife's shoe...

Debbie said...

And how much did this whole escapade set you back?

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

No good deed goes unpunished.

Heinous said...

Debbie: My wife has sneaky SPCA connections...shhh.

LM: Amen...and yet I persist.

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