16 October 2008

Poor Child

I'm thinking this is some father-son thing or some 'I'm six now and will show my independence regardless of the consequences' thing, but my son will just be contrary at random. It's more pronounced when he's tired. The Boy doesn't get tired; he gets pissy and then passes out. Yes, this is the same little angel from yesterday, but we all know the score. Most days it's sweetness and light and then you get those days.

A scene from just a few days ago:

Me: "Jacob, did you see that?"

Jacob: "Don't call me Jacob."

Me: "But that's your name. I can get your ID if you would like...Jacob." (Yeah, I know the added Jacob there was just to get under his skin, but if he gets to razz me, I get to razz back.)

Jacob: "Stop calling me Jacob."

Me: "Okay, I'm going to call you Matilda then."

Matilda: "Stop it."

Me: "Okay, Matilda."

Matilda: "Don't call me that."

Me: "Hmmm...we'll need a form of address though in case of emergency." At this point his eyes narrowed. He's smart and is well-versed in my satiric ways. "I'm going with wiener then. If I need your attention I'll just yell out, 'Hey, wiener,' and you can respond."

Weiner: "Mawm! Dad's picking on me!"

Another random scene:

Me: "Hey, buddy. You tire is looking a little low on your bike. I'll get the pump and you can fix that with me.

Jacob (at least for now): "Stop picking on me."

Me: "Only trying to help."

Jacob: "Stop picking on me."

Me: *practiced silence*

So The Boy rides off, takes a corner too quick, and flops over. He gets up and seems to be in one piece.

Me: "Are you okay, buddy?"

Wiener: "Stop picking on me."

He gets back on his bike a wobbles by due to a wonky tire.

Matilda: "My bike feels funny."

Me: "That may be because you need a little air in your tire."

Uber-wiener: "Mawm! Daddy's bein' mean."

Fortunately, The Wife has seen this stuff happen and no longer feels the need to ask what's going on. If I roll my eyes she knows that he's in 'wiener mode.' She is much better at dealing with wiener mode than I am. I tend to play it as a scene from an Abbott and Costello movie. It's going to go south anyway, so I may as well enjoy myself. She, however, does special mom things that are startlingly similar to my initial dad things to pull him out of the perilous spiral of total wienerfication.

I don't know if any of you see this stuff, but I'm guessing he'll grow out of it eventually. At least it gives me material.


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Ron said...

Yay! First! Uh, now what? Oh ya. Holy Cow, from his first reply he's definitely established the contrariness. The 5 y/o does the same thing when she gets tired - jeez what a fight! I'm hoping it's just a phase or the continual source of material too. Either way we dads win. They can start their own blogs and name them, Stop Picking On Me! The Trials and Tribulations of a Contrary Kid.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Crap. Ron beat me. I was going for a three peat today.
We call our kids all sorts of names when they don't cooperate, it's a time honored sport around here. Hubs and I give extra points if we make them cry....I'M KIDDING. Sorta. :)

JaxPop said...

Wait'll he gets older - you get to 'upgrade' the names. Let's face it - "wienerwad" wouldn't make much sense but the upgrade has much more appeal.

Diane said...

I remember those days well. Mostly because we had one yesterday. I'm not sure they DO outgrow weiner-mode. But look at the bright side... at least you won't have to deal with wiener-mode compounded by PMS. THAT would be MY future... oh, joy.

Krystal said...

oh yeah - we LIVE in weiner-mode. I swear! I don't know if they will ever outgrow it. As long as there is Tylenol or Aleve, I'll be okay; a margarita is even better!

Anonymous said...

lol, wiener-mode. lol.

anyway, my son (nearly 6) does the same stuff. he's not in the mood for kidding around when he's tired.

Captain Dumbass said...

I know it's bad, but throwing in that last little shot, the one that pushes them over the edge? Can't let it go.

Khadra said...

having four young ones, everyday there is someone in weiner-mode here. We call it being a butthead, but I like your way better lol!

Tracey said...

Oh yes. 6. Oodles of fun, isn't it? I think it may also have to do with being a big boy in front of Daddy. That and men tend to tease more than women...

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

I understand the weiner mode, it seems to be happing a lot more lately since the boy's are getting ready to turn 5 and it is so annoying.

ha I tagged you... I know you did meme's last week, but i know you would be a good sport!

Heinous said...

Ron: High five for beating Jen. She's off her game today. I think Mary Anne is taking over for her today. We should do a group blog for our children with that title.

Mary Anne: I was just talking about you. They're going to cry anyway, you might as well get it over with ;)

Jaxpop: Wienerwad...that's awesome.

Diane: I'm glad I have a boy. I bet I'll get to read about that when it happens though.

Krystal: I'll have one with you.

Mrs. D: At least we can commiserate together.

Cap'n: Yeah, it's the smartass gene. There's no suppressing it. We're just toughening them up...yeah, that's what we're doing.

Khadra: Wow, with four a wienerless day must be heaven sent.

Tracey: He can't possibly be picking that up from me. I blame the dog.

Heinous said...

Carrie: Just make sure you blog about it. It's one of our little revenges. I'll get started on that meme.

Tony said...

oh man this was so funny - I was laughing out loud at work. I can relate to this. I have a five year old nephew and sometimes we do the same thing. This was great.

Paige said...

You are guessing he will grow out of it? REALLY? Do you know a bunch of your man types that are not contrary as adults? REALLY? Me not so much. :)

He is just practicing to be a grown up man who will be able to aggravate his own son.


Me, You, or Ellie said...

I don't know how you people -- the parental types out there -- do it.


Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk said...

My 5 year old started school and created this whole new identity without me knowing.
For ages i had parents coming up to me in the playground asking 'are you DJ's mum?'
Err no, I'm Daniel's mum thought, so who is this DJ?

Aparently he's gone in on his first day and announced 'I'm DJ, it's what I've always been called and it's the only name I'll answer to'!
Where the hell did that come from? Don't you save that for college or something?

Heinous said...

Tony: It's a source of entertainment. Cable is cheaper, but not as fun.

Paige: LOL. Thanks for calling it as it is. I will do my best to train him right for the tasks to come. Thanks for stopping by.

Ellie: We just suspend our sanity until they leave the house. Then we get to have half of it back. That's what the brochure said at least.

Heinous said...

Tara: Oh my god, that is too damn funny. You should try calling him DJ and see what happens.

amusing moments said...

that is SO FUNNY!! and I am SO GLAD that everyone else has those moments too! My boys are 14 and 11 and we still have those conversations....unfortunately!.. and I know that the 3 year old GIRL will probably be worse!!!

Ann said...

"Uber-wiener". Silly daddy.
Has he told you what he wants to be called?
When my oldest is super sweet and cooperative I know I have 2 days until the roller coaster heads down hill. The sweet days are so rare.

steenky bee said...

Twenty Firs...WTF??? Why am I so late? DEADLINES, that's why. I love that you tease the little one. We torture our son. I think it's a guy thing. My husband does this thing where he bends our son's leg back and hooks his big toe through his own little pant belt loop. (imagine son on floor and one leg curled up against bum) He then tickles him. It sound's mean, but at soon as son wriggles just a little bit that leg comes loose and then it's a tickle war. Ah, tickle fights. I love 'em.

Mel said...

Henceforth, both of my daughters shall be known as "Matilda."

Heinous said...

Am: Wow, I hope he outgrows it by then. If not, I'll be there to poke fun at him.

Jen: I may have to commemorate this day. I think it's the only one you didn't even make the top ten. The belt loop trick sounds pretty awesome. I'm going to have to try that.

Mel: Lol. Let me know how they react to the new names.

Bee said...

BWAHAHAHAHAH!!! ::tears::
I love it! You are an awesome dad! Well, I mean, I'm glad you are not my dad... ;o)

Kat said...

So what is wiener mode called when it is a girl. I have a 4 year old who has been in wiener mode for the past 2 days.

Heinous said...

Bee: He'll be able to roll with the best of them by the time I'm done ;)

Kat: I think wiener works. It's got a non-partisan feel where gender is concerned. Or you could go with matilda.

Stephanie said...

For me that was both hilarious and a slightly terrifying glimpse into the future. But mostly just hilarious, because Josh and I have discussed my wish that he remain little forever, and I'm pretty sure he's going to comply with that.

Matilda. Heheh.

Red Cup Mom said...

You even have a category named wiener! Love it!

Like the others noted, I am not sure they ever grow out of it.

For instance, take myself, I pitched a fit at work. I am sure people wanted to call me names today. Haha.

But, yeah, it's fun to blog about esp. when you remember!

for a different kind of girl said...

My husband also likes to play the Abbott and Costello routine when one of our boys are in fullblown weiner-mode, too. That's when it's definitely good for mom to step in. I have to before it morphs into a Three Stooges routine!

Rock and Roll Mama said...

The name that's made my 12 year old irate since he was 3 is "Mousalakalaka". Whenever he's being a big stinky jerkhead, we call him that, and oh boy howdy does he get mad. I'm of a similar school of thought, that if you're goig to be tap dancing on my nerves we can do a little duet, right?:)