15 October 2008

Child of Our Hearts

Jen over at Steenky Bee and I are both adoptive parents. I forget how she found out that I was. She stalks people you know...it could have been through any number of sources. After she did though, we thought it would be nice to do a dual post with the theme of how we are (or in my case, will) talk to our children about adoption. Here's mine. Stop over at Steenky Bee after and Jen will show you hers.

Our son is just turned six last month. My wife and I adopted our son from Korea. He arrived when he was six months old. He knows he was born in Korea and he's faced the inevitable, "Where are you from?" question numerous times. (He answers with his hometown -- we've taught him well.) My Wife and I haven't made his adoption an issue yet since we know it will come up in due time. We don't know how it will come up or how much he will want to know. Nothing is a secret though, it's just how it is. We're a family; he's our son. The deeper questions will come though so I just thought I'd answer a few now.

"Why wasn't I born in your tummy mommy?" You had an extra special birth. Even though you were born in Korea, we carried you in our hearts from half a world away. You grew in your birth mommy's tummy and we love her for that.

"Why did my birth mommy give me away?" She wanted the best for you. She felt like she couldn't give it to you because of her circumstances -- the way things were in her life -- but she knew we were here to take perfect care of you.

"How did I get here?" You came by airplane. You had an escort who had the most important job in the world -- bringing our family together. You looked so tiny when you came down the ramp in the stroller. You just looked around while the people getting off the plane congratulated us. They said you were very good on the plane and didn't cry at all. I was scared and nervous as your escort placed you in my arms for the first time. You weren't though. You were calm and peaceful. You knew you were home.

It's amazing how much I would like to tell you now...about how we stared and stared at the pictures that your foster mother sent us until we had them memorized...about how the wait was so hard -- even though it was a mere nine months...about how, after so long trying to conceive, we finally were able to make our family whole. You're only six right now though and you're more concerned if we have any red popsicles left or whether you can go ride your bike with your friends on the block.

No matter what happens or what questions you have or when you start to be curious, we'll be there for you. We found each other across continents and our family was made whole. You were born in our hearts and will always remain there. Let the questions come


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Tricia said...

It sounds like a beautiful family and a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing this. We considered international adoption for quite a while, and I still sometimes find myself pursuing international adoption sites and dreaming about a little girl with dark eyes.

Vodka Mom said...

did you HAVE to bring a tear to my eye so early in the morning? damn you heinous.

you really DO have a heart. and it's lovely.

Cameron said...

Two different stories that are equally special and heart-warming. Both of you are very caring and loving people, and your adoptions stories are touching, each in their own way.

Anonymous said...

What a great story! He's a lucky boy to have such loving parents.

Heinous said...

Tricia: If you have any questions, I'm more than happy to answer them. Thank you for stopping by.

Deb: Don't let that get out.

Cameron and Mrs.D: Many thanks.

Khadra said...

beautiful, you and Jen are working at blocking my sinuses right up this morning. Im a blubbering mess.

I told Jen this, and I think it is true here as well, your child is very lucky to have found you :)

Jamie said...

Silly me -
Read this post and Steenky Bee's back to back. Now, I really am a crying mess. My kids think I am a nut job again today.(there were breakfast tears yesterday too).

Thanks for a sharing -

Now, I am off to blow my nose and compose myself before the preschool drop off.

The Stiletto Mom said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, The Boy is very lucky to have such loving and wonderful parents. What a lucky boy to have been born so far away and find himself with the two of you...he was every bit as blessed as you guys were.
I'm always super proud to call you my blogging friend, today I'm just flat out humbled.

steenky bee said...

Beautiful. I loved the part about telling him that he arrived on a plane. That will be a special part of his story for years to come. What a lucky little boy to have you guys as parents. Thanks so much for thinking this co-post idea for today. I loved doing this. Give him a hug for me! And you're right, we must have been on the same train of thought titling our stories similarly. My eyes are all misty just thinking about you waiting for him at the airport.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

You both rock. Well, wait. You ALL rock -- you and your wife and your boy and Steenky Jen. Well done.


DeeMarie said...

Stopped over from Jen's site. What a beautiful story. I may be considering adoption in the next few years, so don't be surprised if I look you up!
I too get misty thinking what it must have been like seeing him come down that ramp. An incredible moment in time. Thanks so much for sharing.

Petra said...

That was a beautiful post and I think you guys are fantastic parents to that little guy! I had to try very hard not to cry. OK, I tried but I still did!

Bee said...

Gah! I hate getting teary at work! :o)
That was beautiful.

Captain Dumbass said...

Nice story, Heinous. Wife and I seriously looked into adoption while we were having problems cooking up our oldest child. We kinda regret not having adopted one too.

HeatherPride said...

So sweet! My husband and I researched international adoptions and visited an agency before I became pregnant with our second child. It was nice to hear your story!

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

I'm tearing up! The way you expressed the love in your hearts OMG I got goose bumps. Congrats on being adopted parent.

P.S. You and your wife are amazing people/parents.

Diane said...

That made me cry... but in a good way. Thanks :).

When Ryan was a baby, a woman came up to me in the grocery store, told me she was a beautiful baby, and asked me where I got her. Ummm... wha? I was dumbfounded. I knew she didn't look like me but I never dreamed anyone would think she wasn't mine. She felt terrible and said her sister had just adopted a baby from Peru and she just assumed, because of Ryan's dark skin and my bright whiteness... I said not to feel bad... that although she was biologically mine, I knew I'd love her just as much if she wasn't.

So, good on ya, my friend. He's one lucky, lucky little boy (and his parents are, too, I suspect).

Zip n Tizzy said...

Lurking from Jen's site, but it's about time I paid you a visit... we read so many of the same blogs!
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Your son is lucky to have you. I kind of wish I could borrow you for a week or two around here. ;)

Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk said...

Fantastic Heinous. My son is nearly 6 and can just imagine what your boy is like with all the questions!
I think it's wonderful that you have painted him a picture of his journey to you. My son loves me to tell him about how he was born and how we planned for his arrival and all the little funny stories that go with it.
He is a very lucky chap.

Heinous said...

Khadra and Jamie: Sorry about that ;)

Mary Anne: thanks and I'm always proud to call you my friend as well.

Jen: Great minds think alike (or hearts in this case.)

Ellie: Thank you.

Deemarie: Thanks for stopping by and please don't hesitate to ask me any questions. I'm always happy to talk about adoption (and lots of other things as well.)

Wow there's lots of you today: Thanks you all. I'm so glad you all stopped by and I got to share this.

Kat said...

That was a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it. I think you will have no problems explaining to your son about adoptions and how he was loved before he stepped foot on that plane.

JaxPop said...

I guess it's been about a month or so since I discovered your blog. After a coupla visits it was easy to figure out that you were a good dude (PSU revelation also helped). Today's post only reinforced the earlier conclusion.

for a different kind of girl said...

Another inspiring story that has gotten me all misty eyed. You all are lucky to be in such a loving family.

Ron said...

My sister and her husband adopted their third child - a girl - who'f father was from Puerto Rico and the mother was Mexican. She was tiny, but the laughing-est kid you've ever seen. Now she's almost five and starting to ask those same questions so I told my sister to check your blog and Steenky's out. What's been kind of funny is the fact that they live in an almost all Hispanic neighborhood, and when they were first meeting the people living around them they would be asked, "So did your other children's skin lighten up as they got older?"

Heinous said...

Kat and Jaxpop: Thank you both.

fadkog: I consider myself to be blessed beyond belief.

Ron: If she has any questions she can mail me. I'm harmless. I didn't know skin could lighten like that...bizarre.

Stephanie said...

What a lovely story, and such great answers to those questions!
I love that so many families are blessed by adoption.

amusing moments said...

Wow! What a great way to answer those questions! He is truly lucky!
You sound like a great dad!

Tony said...

my parents adopted my younger sister and I remember once when she was younger she asked my mom why her birth mother gave her up - she wanted to know if it was because she wasn't loved. My mom told her that she was special and that her birth mother gave her up because she wanted her to have a better life than she could give her. my mom never sugar coated nor put her birth mother down. She told my sister that being adopted meant that she was special and had special love because she was choosen to be part of the family.

Anonymous said...

I love that you've taught him to respond with his hometown when people ask your son where he's from.

And stop making me cry, dang it.

Beautiful post.

Lola said...

Stopping by via Jen, and I'm glad I did. Great post, and I think you have some great answers for your son, too. I loved the airplane part. He's a lucky little boy to have a dad like you.

Red Cup Mom said...

Wow, you are one amazing dude. What a lucky family and lucky boy, too. Thanks for sharing. Made me happy to read this post today though. Warm and fuzzy.

Anndi said...

Thank you for sharing that with us.
My ex was adopted and unfortunately it wasn't handled that way. The extended family wasn't accepting and he always felt like an outsider.

Your son clearly belongs home with you.

Heinous said...

Stephanie: I'm such a big advocate of adoption. I try to rein myself in though.

AM: Many thanks!

Tony: It sounds like your mom did a great job.

Jen M: Sorry, I won't let it happen again (for a while anyway.)

Lola: Thanks for coming by and for the kind words.

Jen (RCM): Pah, I'm just a dad, but thanks.

Anndi: We've been blessed with full support from extended family. Sorry to hear about your ex though.

Dan Brantley said...

Well written. I enjoy your posts and your style.

Krystal said...

I'm glad I waited until today to read this - two lovely adoption posts in one day would have overloaded my emotional senses!!

Very loving story and it is so good to see that he has found a loving family and that you are such a great family together.

Families are not made by blood, they are made by love!

Heinous said...

Dan: Thank you and thanks for stopping by.

Krystal: I couldn't agree more on families being made by love.

Jennifer said...

Hi--stopping by from Jen's blog. Thank you for sharing your story--I enjoyed reading it!!

Anonymous said...