Hello, Tech Support

My job at the university I work at is mainly to run the servers, but I also help out with incoming phone calls. 90 percent of them are actual problems and I deal with them well, but then there are those calls. The calls that are forwarded straight from either hell or Moronica, the land of dipshits. These are actual calls that have happened all mashed together. The words in orange are what I thought but restrained myself from saying through sheer force of will and professionalism. Names have been changed to protect the ignorant.

Me: Hello, tech support.
Dickweed: (A leftover term from high school, even though I have never seen the actual flora in any clime. I don't think I want to either.) I need more space on my home drive. It says I'm over my quota.
Me: Let me check for you. Um, you have the entire Abba discography stored on your home drive. When you remove that, you'll drop below your quota.
Dickweed: How did that get there?
Me: Not by magic. Some unsupported applications use your home drive by default.
Dickweed: What would that be?
Me: It's in your iTunes folder, so I'm going to go with that.
A slight period where I explain where the folder is, how to get to it, and how to move the files.
Dickweed: There, the files are moved. Thanks!
A short period passes and the phone rings again.
Me: Hello, tech support.
Dickweed: Those files disappeared from my iPod.
Me: Like I care. I'm just glad they're off the server. Hmmm.
Dickweed: How do I get them back on?
Me: I don't know, I don't use iTunes and it's an unsupported app.
Dickweed: But I bought those.
Me: Not my freaking problem. You still have the files where we moved them to.
Dickweed: But how do I get them back on the iPod?
Me: Did I just tell you that I don't know how? Furthermore, I don't care. Dammit, I'll have to play the 'rephrase the same damn answer over and over again until you go away game.' I'm not sure. Perhaps if you looked in the iPod manual...Because I am not going to figure it out FOR you.
I usually start reading blogs at this point and practice all the possible variations of 'I don't know' until the endgame:
Dickweed: Maybe if I tried copying the files back to the original folder?
Me: That would put you over your quota again. So don't even try it.
Dickweed: So how can I get them back on there again?
Me: I think I need to come over there and kick you in the ass hard enough for you to savor the taste of poop. <practiced silence until>
Dickweed: Well. I guess I'll ask some friends and maybe check the manual.
Me: God forbid you read the manual and learn how to use your crap. Okay then, have a nice day.

I'm usually very willing to help and genuinely enjoy talking to most of my end users, but some people get me going. They're habitual idiots and I think most tech support/service oriented people get them. I should have more enjoyable tech support stories soon. Hell, I could probably do tech support Fridays.

Technorati Tags: Tech support,weens,twits,university,think dammit

Poor Souls

I read many blogs and many of the topics touch me. Maggie has an awesome post here that is beautifully written and really captures the human condition. I've also read ones that have brought tears to my eyes. I'm sure that we all have. There are stories from all over that just rock you back on your heels and make you happy for what you have.

Then we have this:

Taken out of context one might think, "How horrible that they lost someone they knew in the war," or some other logical sentiment. This however, is a picture of two people at the democratic national convention. Say that with me. "Democratic. National. Convention." Not a funeral or somewhere that would warrant tears. It's a political rally. These people are blithering idiots (I used a stronger term previously but my cynicism wouldn't carry that far. I think it was effing morons.) They are shedding tears over a politician. Don't they have anything worth crying about? I know that some people get all weepy at various things, but politicians? I don't trust these people to pick a president. Perhaps a nice flower arrangement, but not a president. I prefer people to use their heads in a political race. I'm not sold on anyone just yet. I want more facts.

The other day some people (media talking heads including Stephanopopolusnous or whatever his name is...I'm not looking it up for the sake of this post.) were discussing the campaign and how the Dems needed to push a single message so we, the poor public, didn't get all confused. Um...shouldn't there be lots of issues for us to look into before we pick? Evidently not for the twits up above. I'm not all political and crap, but these people are going to become the poster children for the DNC and it's not a good thing. I can feel it in my bones...like the flu.

These people need to point a finger at themselves (but not at your eye...I don't want to be responsible for impairing your vision.) and repeat this mantra, "Get a life. Use your head." Continue until your feel the urge to compare platforms.

On a side note: My blog address is titled after my old gamer tag, "Heinous." Modeled after the pronunciation of my last name, "Heiney." Astoundingly witty, eh? It's a little old and since it's spelled in 'leet,' I think I might be better served by redoing the address of the blog (just the front bit since I'm too cheap to buy my own domain.) Any thoughts or suggestions from my loyal readers? I think I'm up to almost five of you now. Keep it or change it?

Technorati Tags: democratic national convention,politics,get a life,twits,weens