Did you ever have one of those weeks?
I feel like I'm the captain of a ship that's been adrift, locked in a dead calm with safe harbor in sight yet maddeningly out of reach. The cool, sea breezes that once carried my ship have left like a lover after discovering betrayal.
I can hear the grumblings of the crew. I can still silence them with a glare or a barked, "I am Captain of this vessel, dammit, and you will do as I say," but I find myself quelling them more and more often as I see the signs of discontent fester. The flag of the ship huddles against the mast; a bellwether of the ship's morale.
This vessel which I have captained so well for so long languishes in the still waters. The reserves dwindle. The monotony of the sound of the water against the hull drives the isolation home with a dull, "slap. slap. slap." The sun bears down with a physical weight and pushes the captain, myself, closer to the brink.
Resolve comes uneasily from some unplumbed depth. Whether released by some kind fortune or pulled by sheer force of will, it does not matter. It rises unsteadily at first, like an air bubble buffeted by currents in the water. Finally, it sparkles in the light from the surface above and crests.
Something has to be done. If I must swim though these waters with a rope in my teeth pulling this ship to safety then I will do it. I will pull. Every. Fucking. Inch.
I will brave the sharks. I will defy the weather. I will persevere.
It doesn't matter how I sailed here. My charge will be delivered safely.
Now to slip into the waters and make my own safe passage.
49 comments:
FIRST!!!!
CRAP! I thought I was gonna be first!
Oh, and most weeks are one of THOSE weeks here.
OK, now I can comment.
First of all, beautiful prose. Thank you for sharing this side of your writing.
And I can completely relate to feeling like this. But something that makes the journey that much easier is having wonderful friends like you.
So thanks for that too :)
Sometimes I feel like my whole life is one of those weeks and then something spectacular happens. I am wishing you something spectacular!
Just keep swimming!
too many weeks feel like that - although i don't think i usually put it quite so eloquently.
hang in there, friend. it'll pass.
Wow. You have some serious range. Great writing and I hope this is just an exercise and not how you really feel. If it is how you feel, onward...eventually it is all behind us!
The English teacher in me just gave you an A+. Ideas, voice, word coice, organization--the whole package. Excellent!
And if you really are "stuck" right now, best of luck, man. This, too, shall pass! ;)
word CHOICE
most of us just say "i had/am having a shitty month/week/day" or something even less eloquent. then you go and write something like that.... just goes to show. we're all sitting on the fastball, then you go and throw the change and we're way out in front. ok. you might not be a baseball fan...
Petra: That's high praise indeed, thank you. Whenever you need someone to pull along side your ship, let me know.
Khadra: It'll get better soon :)
Kat: It's gotta ease up sometime and thanks.
Jen: at least it's exercise.
g.d: I usually don't either ;)
Mary Anne: Thanks, it's a bit better this week.
jori-o: Thank you. It may be almost past now.
Diane: Thanks, hon.
jst: I get baseball analogies. Thanks :)
Will you pull me to shore, too? I can't swim... I'm screwed.
Sammanthia: Always happy to help out :)
Hey, make a loop in the end of the rope for your shoulders, like a harness. Pulling by your teeth will cause your head to submerge and you'll get water right down your throat with every little wave.
Uh, crap, I seem to know a lot about this somehow...
This was beautiful. I hope whatever is making your week or month difficult gets better. Just keep your head above it all and be strong. This is too deep, I can't be snarky to you.
Very well written. I would love to have your talent.
I hope whatever is troubling you dies a painful, slow death!
It sucks when you lose your leg to a big white whale. Hope everything works out ASAP. Oh - careful with the rope between the teeth - not a great idea.
I don't care how you got there either, as long as you continue your journey AND continue to share it! I am head over heels into it with your "voice"--you've got style, dude, lot's of style.
NeoCleo
wow I think everyone is having 'one of those weeks' WTH is going on... let me say my past week has been horrible, I just pray for a better one this week, and so far monday ain't half bad.....
Been treading water a bit the last week, too. Just keep taking deep breaths between strokes.
Umm, yes, I know that could be misconstrued as some other kind of advice, but I think it's sage advice nonetheless.
My ship is more like a row boat in huricane force winds and no oars to be found. Everyone is screaming behind me and I turn around to tell them "shut up before I jump so help me!"
Very beautiful (if a bit depressing) post! I love the imagery! I hate to take so much delight in your troubles, but you keep giving us these gems :)
Umm, well, all I can say is the next time I'm having a bad week, I'll just link to this post. Untoppable.
You and sharks go deep, my friend.
You betcha. Have them all the darn time.
I'm pretty sure everyone participating in NappyBlowMe is having a similar time. Does it help to know you're not alone? I hope you cheer up soon. Your writing is booty-ful as ever.
goodfather: At least we have company.
Jen: Thanks and you can always be snarky to me ;)
Kirsten: It's clearing already, thanks.
Jaxpop: I've got dental.
NeoCleo: Thanks for coming by and I'm glad you like it.
Carrie: It always passes.
Lola: Either way you take it, it's good ;)
Blarney: They'll just pull you back in anyway.
Cat: Will do, thanks.
LM: Many thanks :)
Heather: Time for the surface though for now.
Debbie: We can cheer each other on.
Casey: Company is always welcome (for encouragement, of course). Thanks.
Yep, you're nuts.
my vessel is sinking. glad yours made it :-) nice writing btw!
Braja: I always take that the good way ;)
April: I'll come over and bail and thank you.
I had to make sure I was at the blog I thought I was at when I read this. I kept waiting for pirates, guns, pillaging and wenches.
I think a lot of us are in the same boat. I know mine is sinking fast but I'm a good swimmer and I don't give up, I get PO'd, so I'm digging out the Pirate Pants and loading up the BB gun. I will send you the extra eye patch and peg leg. Keep your chins up if the water gets higher.
I like your sense of pluck. When the going gets tough, we have two choices - give in, or fight. Your choice rocks, and it's the best channel to a purposeful life.
Wut??? I'm blaming my denseness on my own lousy week where the captain has bailed, there's a gigantic hole in the hull, there are no lifeboats, and I don't know how to swim. But, I hope this week is better for you!!??
Dude, I've learned that even when you think it won't - things always work out in the end. Keep swimming man, just keep on swimming...
Your Holiness, take a few days off. We'll all be here when you get back.
Dude, I am afraid of the open sea.
So you will have to bring my ship in too, K?
Kinda ironic that I am descended from Pirates eh?
That was incredible. Yes. We do go on. We know that we have no. other. choice.
bravo, Jim.
You are an amazing writer.
And you've received an excessively high compliment...which would be, my mom now reads your blog and finds you an amazingly good writer.
Just so ya know...;)
If you need help, you can always call The Hoff. He's always good for a laugh ;).
Smooth waters... sending good thoughts.
That's leadership and determination people will follow... great post.
Deb: Oooh, I could use an eye patch.
Carmi: You will get no argument from me. It's the only way.
Mel: It is already.
Tony: Good advice that makes it easier to keep swimming.
Cap'n: Thanks, man. I'll whip up something here...
Kelley: For you, babe, I'll gladly bring your ship in too.
Deb: Thank you :)
Sass: Many thanks (to your mother as well.) I appreciate it.
Anndi: As long as he's off the sauce... Thanks for the good thoughts.
Dude... I have to backtrack and see what the problem is! Hope the waters become smoother and your crew begins to help you with rowing...
We seem to be on the same boat.
But please don't throw me overboard, the water might be to cold for my delicate skin.
Tracey: They're calming as we speak.
Bee: Nope, I do the pulling, you keep it on course.
Wow! You wrote what I have been feeling. It seems that my ship is pulling further away from shore even though the winds seem to be shifting towards the shore. I just might have to take over and get to the oars and make it happen! I know you will get to the shore soon and those difficult waters will calm soon if they have not already.
Interesting metaphor. You'll make it :-).
I am days behind in reading this
but I have to say
WOW
WOW
I really enjoyed this.
Thank you!
Krystal: I hope you're getting closer to the shore now. I'll pull for you too.
Jewel: I did make it...thank you.
Jamie: I'm glad you liked it :)
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