The Other Church

Last week we decided to go to the other Catholic church in town. I'm not entirely sure why, but I just go with the flow when it comes to things churchly.

We got there and the one nice thing was that the priest doesn't have a thick, gooey accent straight out of the Eastern Bloc. I could actually understand what he was saying. I didn't listen, but that's completely beside the point... I could have listened. He also had nice hair. It was a little long, so from a distance it looked decidedly like a fuzzy helmet, but it looked fine up close.

Of course, being church, those were about the only positives to me.

The first thing I noticed is that this priest (do I have to capitalize "priest?" I guess since I never bother capitalizing "god," that's sort of a moot point. Like they're going to add another year on to my life sentence in hell for disobeying the style guide.) sings every damn verse of the hymns. Every. Verse. Come on dammit, the other church does one and three. It's a time saver, let's get with the program here.

There was another thing that bothered the crap out of me about the church music. They did those songs. The ones where they pick a psalm, throw some organ in the background, and slap some arbitrary notes to the words. Seriously? It sounds like someone is reading the newspaper to song. It's stupid. Stop butchering the last movement of Beethoven's 9th like that. It's criminal. God should make you weep nothing but grapefruit juice for perpetrating that on us.

Behind me was what I like to call a "rusher." One of those people that is at least two words ahead whenever there's a group prayer or singing going on. I don't know the words to this stuff really well and that dude was not helping. Recite and sing at the correct tempo, jerkoff. No one is proud of you because you finished first.

Also at this church was "Farting Guy." I call him that because once, in church, this guy was sitting next to us and letting them rip. This only happened once, ten years ago, but you don't forget stuff like that. Yet another reason to stick with the old church.

Overall mass lasted only marginally longer than the other church, but if we could move to the verse one and three system we could get out of there earlier and I would consider that church instead, regardless of the perils of "Farting Guy."

After mass, they had a thing for the kids which included an "epiphany cake." This is where you take a cake and put something inside like a bean and whoever gets the bean gets to wear a crown. I've always had issues with the epiphany cake and its potential to cause dental damage to an overzealous eater. This time, however, they put a little (but large enough to be an awesome choking hazard), plastic baby Jesus inside.

Really?

It's lucky parents were they to dig through their child's slice before they dug in. I'm sure "asphyxiation by baby jeebus" would be a real hoot down at the coroner's office.

I'm not sure which church to go to now. Maybe I should come up with a third offering for town. I'll have to work on the plans for that. I'll let you know when they're done.

 

Technorati Tags: death by baby jeebus,why do I even bother going?

Spin Cycle: Me? Guilty?

So I really wanted to do the Spin Cycle this week and I kept racking my brain trying to think of either what I was guilty about in the past or what I was guilty about now and I just kept coming up with nothing.

Don't get me wrong, I have done things that I've been hugely guilty about in the past. There was the first woman that I was engaged to that I broke off. There were other women too, some with names that were erased by a combination of alcohol and time. There was that persistent feeling that I should have been by my mother's side more during her chemo even though I was a three hour drive away and taking college courses. I made it home nearly every weekend, but it never seemed like enough.

I do the occasional thing now and then that I feel guilty for, but nothing big like in the past; I outgrew that hedonistic asshole phase. I might spend a little too much time on the computer or not help out around the house as much as I usually do, but the associated guilt is fleeting at best. Small stuff, small guilt.

Then I started to wonder if I had reached some glorious state of amorality. Well, not amoral, just differently moralled (bite me, I can make up words.) I say 'glorious' because wouldn't it be wonderful not to feel guilty about things sometimes?

Then I realized it wouldn't be so glorious.

Feeling guilty, for all its pitfalls, shows us what we care about. Where our humanity lies. It points us in the direction of our flaws so we can kick at them and try to overcome them. It shines the light on things we could have done better so we can actually do them better the next time. Maybe not as perfectly as we would like, but better.

It's about growth.

I realized that over the years, I've felt less guilty about things because I've done less things to be guilty about. I've gone and grown in spite of myself and learned to forgive myself for the dumb things I've done and will undoubtedly continue to do.

Wishing you the same :)

 

Technorati Tags: well that took an unexpected turn to serious...

Not here today

I'm over at Tony's place doing a guest post for his birthday. Click over to see what I'm up to and maybe wish him a happy birthday while you're at it.

The First Kiss and Other Stuff Too!

The stunning and consistently amazing Sher over at Sherendipity (go read her...if you don't, you're only hurting yourself) has provided me with an interview meme which is sort of cool as far as memes go. I even volunteered for it. One of my answers even has a story attached to it, because that never happens on my blog.

1.  Do you remember your first kiss?  C'mon, dish.

(This is the answer with a story...it would be a disservice not to tell it all.)

Ahh, my first kiss. I remember it well. I was at a camp for gifted children in eighth grade. I don't know where all those smarts went, but they were there once evidently. It lasted a week and there was the cutest girl there. We met on the first day during some sort of nerd activity and it was love at first sight. The night of the same day, when the others were singing Kumbaya or some sort of similar crap around a camp fire, we were off talking. We could hear the fire crackling and it was a nice, cool evening. We stopped talking at some point and just stared into each other's eyes. Then we leaned in for the The Kiss. It was a first kiss for both of us, but there wasn't any awkwardness, it was just sweet and tender and it felt right.

We spent the rest of the week alternately sneaking across the camp grounds and crawling into each other's respective tent to steal away whatever moments we could. The counselors only watched the front of the old army tents and left the rear of the tent unguarded. C'mon people, we were gifted. You had to do better than that.

When the week was over, we said our goodbyes. Our schools played each other in football, so once a year we would meet at the game since we were both in our respective school's band. We never kissed again, we just caught up and shared stories and went our separate ways after the game.

My freshman year of college, I got a card in the mail for my birthday that had a picture of Miss Piggy on the front of the card laying in a tent. When you opened it, Kermit was pictured entering the rear of the tent with the phrase, "You can sneak into my tent any time." It was from her.

Good times.

2.  What lesson did you learn from your parents (good, or bad) that will, or has, influenced your style of parenting?

From my mom: Stand up for for your child no matter what. That and I have her sense of humor... that plays a huge part in my parenting.

From my dad: "Because I said so" is a good enough reason. Also, give your kids enough rope to hang themselves and pull their butt out of the fire when they need it because most kids (or maybe it was just me) are too dumb to learn otherwise.

3.  Was there ever a time in your life that you passed on an opportunity that you really wanted, only to realize later that it was more of a benefit that you didn't take advantage of it?

Not really. One of my favorite things to do is jump at the chance to do just about anything, regardless of whether I've thought it out or not. It's a bumpy road sometimes, but I have some great memories and haven't yet wound up killing myself.

4.  The year is 1999.  Ten years ago, today, what were doing?  Better yet, what did you THINK that you'd be doing ten years later, and how close were you?

I was working at the university that I work at now and had been married to my wife for almost five years. We had bought our house a year or so earlier and were so excited about it. We had finally climbed out of debt, so that was pretty awesome too.

What did I THINK I'd be doing ten years later? I pretty much envisioned myself where I'm at now (it's a good job) except that I thought I would have had a book published by now. I also didn't expect that we would have had to have adopted, but I wouldn't change that for the world.

5.  If you could write a letter to the future you, reminding yourself of anything at all, how would that letter read?

Dear idiot,

Just a few things in case you managed to forget them in the interim... Remember to find the humor in everything that you possibly can. Practice patience, you know how you get if you don't. Put your mind to it (and your back if you have to) and you'll get to where you want to be. Spend as much time as you can with your wife and your child. No one ever said on the deathbed, "I wish I had worked more."

If you forgot any of that stuff, you deserved to be called an idiot. If not, you can just crumble this letter up and toss it... job well done.

 

Okay, that's that with the interview questions. I'd like to give a big thanks to Sher for coming up for such great questions and for just being Sher. You're awesome, babe. No question about it.

If anyone is interested in being interviewed, just leave an "interview me" or "do me" in a comment and I'll come up with some questions for you. All shiny new and personalized! I'll take the first two "do me's" because I'm too lazy to come up with questions for more than two people ;)

 

Technorati Tags: First kiss,parenting,letter to self,ten years past

Randomness + An Award

A new collective noun inspired by my recent usage of "murder of crows." I present "terror of toddlers" as a new collective noun.

Usage: "I invited one too many kids to my son's party and ended up with a terror."

What could possibly be more appropriate? Get the word out.

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On a car ride with The Boy, The Wife, his grandmother and grandfather...

The Boy (in reference to something completely unrelated): "I'm confused."
Me: "Just wait until you get married."

The Boy's grandfather laughed and for some reason his grandmother offered to let me walk the rest of the way. I felt The Look from my wife bounce harmlessly off.

Was I wrong? I think not.

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The Boy's grandparents wanted him to spend the night since she hadn't seen him much over the holidays. We, of course, were more than happy to unload him and go enjoy ourselves oblige.

The Wife asked, "Would you like to go to your grandparents' for the night?"
The Boy nodded and replied, "I could use some time away from you people."

I can't fault him for stating the obvious. I actually admire his wisdom at such an early age.

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An Award

This award comes from Nonna at Nonna's Nonsense. I would like to thank her sincerely for it and apologize for taking so long in getting around to acknowledge it. Stop by and check her out if you get a chance. I really do like this award because it emphasizes the community of blogging. Here it is:

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must may choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Okay, so I changed a word in there because I never give awards and expect people to pass them on. I only give awards out to people that I enjoy reading and that's that. If you choose to pass it on, great. If not, just as great. No pressure, just props for the reads that I like.

Also, charming? This is not a word that I generally use, but there it is, somewhat out of place on my blog...sigh. The perils of copy and paste.

Now for the victims:

Miss Grace @ Miss Grace's Disgrace.

CK @ Creative Kerfuffle.

Khadra @ Crab Goggles.

Weasel Momma @ World of Weasels.

Stacey @ Is There Any Mommy Out There?

Laura @ Living Laura.

Sarah @ Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures.

Bern @ Bernthis.com.

I'll get around to notifying everyone they got the award but I'm too lazy right now. Hopefully, they'll just figure it out all be themselves.

and that's a wrap...

 

Technorati Tags: this was supposed to be a quickie post but then an award got involved and it took up lots of time - how does this happen?