Spin Cycle: What I am Thankful for

I'll start off by saying that I am thankful for all the usual things: family, friends -- that includes you people too, don't forget that -- pets, and all the other usual suspects. Today though I want to focus on one thing that brings a lot of us together and serves to bring us closer.

Humor.

Sure, the 'love' thing brings us closer, but there's so much commitment involved. You can walk up to total strangers and tell a funny story or (good) joke and have them smiling with you. Now go ahead and tell that same stranger you love them and check your response. Go ahead, I'll wait. You can even make someone of the opposite sex laugh and your spouse won't even get mad at you. Now making love, that's a whole different story...

It heals us and gets us through rough times. I still remember when my mom was going through chemo. It was a rough time, but she could still crack a joke or get us smiling with a story (see, the laughter...it's in my genes.) For me, humor is comforting and can pull me out of foul moods (not that I have many) faster than anything.

I said 'a lot of us' at the beginning because, let's face it, some people no sense of humor. I feel sorry for those people. There just has to be something lacking in a life without humor and laughter. ...but like we used to say in school: "Screw you if you can't take a joke." I think that was grade school, but wisdom comes from all corners.

Seriously though, it seems as though a few of you get a smile out of my blog now and then and I love that. I also love coming by your blogs and laughing out loud with you. Thank you for that.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! (that's belated if you're from Canada, but tough. That will teach you to live so far North.)

 

 

Technorati Tags: humor

The Wine Academy

I like wine. I'm not fussy about it though. I can match up the right wine with the right kind of meal, but that's about as anal as I get with it. That's anal as in prissy, not as in bypassing the kidneys, people.

Last week, we were invited to a wine tasting party. I thought, "Well, that sounds fun," after I read the subject line. Then I read the emailed invitation (I've lovingly provided excerpts):

"Saturday...at 6:30." We can make that. Awesome. We'll foist The Boy Ask if Grammy and Pappy can watch The Boy.

"Semi-structured?" Wha? It's a party, correct? With wine. So we drink, eat, and someone says something stupid at some point so we can make fun of them. I guess that's what he means here: drink, eat, ridicule, repeat as necessary. Okay, got it.

"We will taste each of the 'big six' grapes as a group." Six? I thought there were red and white groups. I count two groups. If you throw seedless red and white into the mix I guess you squeak out four groups. Evidently I am undereducated in this department. I shall have to remember this for the next time it comes up in Jeopardy!.

"We will need wines...representative of the varietal" and "we don't want to end up with a bizarre Riesling." Whut? God forbid we end up with a bizarre Riesling (I'm betting that's one of those 'big six' though -- even I can pick this stuff up -- there's hope.) What makes a Riesling bizarre anyway? Does it have a thing for squash instead of other grapes? Perhaps it was caught with a raisin when it was young. I figure if they squish the little freak and make him into wine though, all better. It's not an issue for me.

"I've looked at all the wines at the liquor store." Dude, get a life.

"Bring a wine from the attached list." List? Where? Oh no, you did not attach a spreadsheet to the email. Oh. Yes. You. Did. Are you kidding me? I'm betting Ripple didn't make the list. Oh, at least now I know what the 'big six' are. I feel so enlightened now. I'll check that off my list of things to learn before I die.

"Again, this isn't going to be that formal" followed by "I need a syllabus." Not formal? What part of 'spreadsheet' followed by 'coordinated group tasting' with a discussion afterwards do you not get here? I've seen Catholic masses with less structure than this.

Ultimately, we decided to bail on our invite. Maybe I am a cretin, but I'm thinking a class on how to disassemble particle accelerators would have been more enjoyable. I'm sure the people that went had a wonderful time, blah, blah, blah, but really...wine, food, people mingling freely in my house, and the occasional, "How does that wine taste?" is all I need for a good wine tasting party.

 

 

Technorati Tags: Just give me the damn bottle already

Safe Harbor

Did you ever have one of those weeks?

I feel like I'm the captain of a ship that's been adrift, locked in a dead calm with safe harbor in sight yet maddeningly out of reach. The cool, sea breezes that once carried my ship have left like a lover after discovering betrayal.

I can hear the grumblings of the crew. I can still silence them with a glare or a barked, "I am Captain of this vessel, dammit, and you will do as I say," but I find myself quelling them more and more often as I see the signs of discontent fester. The flag of the ship huddles against the mast; a bellwether of the ship's morale.

This vessel which I have captained so well for so long languishes in the still waters. The reserves dwindle. The monotony of the sound of the water against the hull drives the isolation home with a dull, "slap. slap. slap." The sun bears down with a physical weight and pushes the captain, myself, closer to the brink.

Resolve comes uneasily from some unplumbed depth. Whether released by some kind fortune or pulled by sheer force of will, it does not matter. It rises unsteadily at first, like an air bubble buffeted by currents in the water. Finally, it sparkles in the light from the surface above and crests.

Something has to be done. If I must swim though these waters with a rope in my teeth pulling this ship to safety then I will do it. I will pull. Every. Fucking. Inch.

I will brave the sharks. I will defy the weather. I will persevere.

It doesn't matter how I sailed here. My charge will be delivered safely.

Now to slip into the waters and make my own safe passage.

The Big Guy (with the funny hat)

Somehow, I never seem to lose any followers after these posts. I love you guys for that. Thanks! Yes, you may take that as sort of a warning for this one. (and remember I am a Catholic, so I am licensed to do this.)

I was thinking the other day (always a dangerous thing.) The Catholics have so many cool things -- vampirism, pirates, and the ass-kicking gozillica just for a few examples -- that it must be unjustifiably cool to be in charge of it all. Ahh...a day in the life of the Pope. I wonder what my day would be like if I was the Pope?

6:00AM Get up early because holiness seems to require not sleeping in. This rule pisses me off. I'll have to rewrite that one.

6:20AM All showered with holy water and the Vatican-approved 'pope soap on a rope' (Guaranteed to wash away all sin!)

6:30AM Stop thinking about sex. There's another god damned rule (I can say that right? I'm the Pope.) that needs to be axed.

6:45AM Pick out holy poncho with cryptic symbols and crap on it for the day along with matching funny hat.

6:50AM Knock funny hat off head after passing through a doorway. You would think I would learn by now.

7:00AM Talk to God and tell him what a bang-up job he's doing and let him know that I am on my way to smite some mofos (that's non Catholics, of course.) Ask if He's willing to ease up on the sex thing yet.

7:05AM Make note to attend confession after being all pissed about His answer to the sex thing.

7:30AM Breakfast of bread and water. Just kidding. You should see the spread I get here for breakfast. It's the freakin' Vatican.

8:00AM Sit on throne made entirely of gold for some holy ponderage. "I wonder if I should start a blog? I could call it 'Poperiffic!'"

9:00AM Okay, enough of that crap...I mean, done. Off to the holy cookie factory to bless the wafers. You know...just in case the priest blows the transubstantiation gig. We can't have people eating stale, tasteless crackers after all. I should stop by the holy chalice factory too and talk to the people in R&D. People are still getting colds by sharing those cups. Jesus' blood isn't curing the common cold. Go figure.

9:15AM Oh. My. God. That nun is soooo freaking hot. What the hell is she doing being a nun? Crap, she saw me staring.

"Um...yes, sister...carry on. I'm very proud of your progress towards...uh..Godly stuff."

Yeah. Nice cover. Smooooth.

Note to self: add those thoughts to the list o' stuff to confess.

10:00AM Done with the cookies and the chalice thing. Have to meet with some cardinals and other lower management. I'll twitter from the meeting if I get bored.

11:00AM Need to get that idea for the iAbsolve phone to R&D. That's going to be a money maker. We just have to figure out what carrier to use.

12:00PM Crap, have to conduct a mass. I wonder how you say, "blah, blah, blah," in Latin? I guess I should stay traditional for this one. The worshippers got a little bent last time when I introduced the "Rock and Roll Mass of Awesome-osity".

1:30PM Count some of my the church's money while eating lunch. Are you watching this, God? A working lunch. You're welcome. Um...maybe I mean I'm here to serve in Your name. I'll talk to You tomorrow about your prefs on this issue.

5:00PM ...and ten billion. That's a nice, round number to stop at. Off to dinner.

6:00PM Wow, am I stuffed. Another mass? Come on people. Do we need this many in a day? Fine, brt.

7:30PM Heh. I bet they didn't even notice when I said, "I'm not wearing any underwear under this poncho," in Latin. Bite me. It gets hot in this thing...I need all the ventilation I can get.

8:00PM I can't stand talking to people anymore. They want to kiss my ring. That's. Creepy. Man. Stop it. I betcha there's all kinds of slobber and lip goo in the grooves. Yick...heading to the holy jeweler dude for cleaning again.

9:00PM Hitting the wine cabinet and reading up on my favorite blogs.

11:00PM Hmm...probably too drunk to pray properly. I'll get to that in the morning. Ahh, what the hell, I'll phone one in:

Um...g'night God. Yay You.

That's it, I'm wiped...

Technorati Tags: Because it won't be the same in hell without me

Mysteries to Solve...

I'm not here today. Clark Kent has gone missing and I intend to do something about it.

Read my guest post where I become a second-story man in the quest to find him.