The other day, I was in the kitchen tidying up. This is the important part, mind you. I was most pointedly NOT in the living room at the time and bear utterly no responsibility for what happened.
Not. My. Fault.
The Wife has acknowledged this fact.
Anyway, at some point I heard The Boy say, "Mom, I cut my finger." It was a simple statement of fact. Nothing more, nothing less.
Hmmm. "Curious," thought I. Being me though, when somebody says they cut themselves, I have to go see how good a job they did, so I walked into the living room to see what had happened.
The table was scattered with shreds of paper that magically occur when my son get a hold of a pair of scissors. No biggie.
The Wife was staring at some small particle that appeared to be roughly the size of two grains of rice. Not the long, wild kind. Just simple, white rice.
The Boy was staring complacently at his thumb.
The particle was actually a small chunk that The Boy had taken off of his thumb with the scissors.
I frowned. Cuts are easy, stanching a missing chunk sucks.
There is a peaceful time right after you cut yourself like that when your body seems to marshal its forces for one purpose and one purpose only.
To bleed. Profusely. With reckless abandon.
I knew it was coming, so I walked back into the kitchen for a clean towel. Then I heard the wailing.
Ah, right on time.
I came back to The Boy's thumb which had started bleeding. My first thought, being the loving father that I am was, "I hope he doesn't get any on the new couch." Seriously, blood is damn hard to get out.
I wrapped his thumb in the towel and let him know that we needed to apply pressure. He started a mantra. "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts."
The towel was fairly absorbent, so I waited for a second to see if he would calm down. He did not. Instead he added, "I can't believe I did that," to his mantra. A little long for an effective mantra in my book, but hey, he's six and still learning. The Wife playing with the piece of ex-thumb didn't help the matter, so I got rid of it. Ick. That's all I'm saying.
When I came back, The Wife was way past Frantic and heading on to Freaked. I'm sure that was most soothing to The Boy as well. I did what I had to and delivered the riot act to The Boy at 110 decibels. It elicited more tears, but he wilted and let me put pressure on. Mission accomplished.
Don't get me wrong, I was all compassionate and crap after that, but you have to get audience participation for stuff like this. It stopped after about 20 minutes. There was a brief tussle over cleaning the wound, but 'the hairy eyeball' squelched that handily.
He's fine now, no worries. The really funny thing? Here is the implement of destruction:
Don't screw with Frosty, man. He'll cut you bad. He's as cold as ice.